MAN ON A LEDGE (2012)

Ex-copper Sam Worthington got fucked over by a super rich douchebag (played wonderfully by Ed Harris). He gets the shit beat out of him then sent to prison for supposedly stealing a rare diamond from Harris. After Sam's daring escape, he climbs out on the twenty-first story ledge of a building and just stands there. Why?

If Hitchcock was still alive (he'd probably dropkick M. Night Shyamalan in the face), but also I think he would enjoy MAN ON A LEDGE. There's plenty of action, the story is well laid out and it kinda has that Hitchcock feel to it, you got a hero to root for, the pace is excellent, it looks really nice and Genesis Rodriguez's body is incredible! Makes you wanna stand up and beg for buttermilk!

I liked MOAL quite a bit. When I rented it I didn't know what to expect, but it was a fun ride. I'm not sure about the rewatch value but it's worth a watch for sure. Make sure to check out the Special Features to see how they filmed it. Pretty impressive.

NEEDFUL THINGS (1993)

Extremely watered down version of Stephen King's classic novel about an elderly gentleman, Leland Gaunt, who opens a mysterious antique shop in the quiet town of Castle Rock, Maine. Sounds innocent enough except that Leland Gaunt is actually an ancient and sinister creature who sells more than antiques. What he sells are people's secret desires and he doesn't accept money, instead he only accepts deeds and in this way he slowly turns all of the people in Castle Rock against each other. In the book there's much, much more going on but in this slimmed down movie version it's pretty cut and dry. It is nice seeing the town of Castle Rock brought to life, but there is just so much missing that honestly I wish they had never even made this movie. It would have been better off as a one season TV series on HBO. I did go through the trouble of finding and purchasing the three hour version and it is better, but the picture is so goddamn dreadful that I couldn't even watch it all (screenshots below).

If you've never read the book and you have no intention of reading the book, then I guess this movie version is entertaining enough, but the violence is weak and the whole thing just seems like a smaller version of something much bigger. I can't recommend it.  The only bright spot is Max von Sydow as Leland Gaunt.  He's excellent. Read the book and just forget this movie even exists.

Three hour version screenshots:

THE STAND (1994)

M-O-O-N that spells: a man-made "superflu" virus escapes from a military base and before you can say Constant Reader it's started spreading across the country killing everybody. After the initial clusterfuck, a handful of survivors around the country begin hearing messages in their dreams. Either a good message from some Jesus-loving Prophet in Nebraska or a bad message from the evil ass Randall Flagg in Las Vegas. Eventually the two armies gather and a party of four men are sent to Las Vegas to make a stand.

I really enjoy reading Stephen King books, but one thing that always drives me nuts is his reliance on the supernatural and aliens. It's pretty easy to write a story when if you ever write yourself into a corner you can just have God or a ghost or an alien fix things for you. "The Stand" is a very good example of this. "Desperation" is another...and I'm not even going to start talking about "Under the Dome". Strange thing is I still like "The Stand". At least the story idea and the outbreak part, but then when the Prophet bitch shows up and starts all her psychic God love bullshit I checked the fuck out.

But we're not here to talk about the book, we're here to discuss the movie...the extremely toned down, made-for-network-TV movie (ABC, May 8th through May 12th, 1994). With that in mind, it's passable and that's about it. Huge tracts of story are removed and for some unknown reason other portions of the book are just completely changed.  The most painful to me was the toning down of Harold's jealousy and the complete removal of The Kid and the tornado. Another thing I found extremely confusing is Rita is completely missing and her character replaced by Nadine but not really. It was fucked...I was also upset with some of the casting. The guy who played Randall was completely wrong. David Warner from TIME BANDITS would have been perfect.

If you're a fan of the book, then you'll most likely want to see the miniseries, but I found the whole thing watered-down and almost painful to get through all 359 minutes of it.  Honestly, your time would be better served reading Robert McCammon's superior "Swan Song".

THE STAND drinking game: every time somebody mentions God. You'll be passed out in your own feces by the third hour.

Adaptation 2 - The Stand (2020)

Hahaha! What the fuck?! That's the dumbest shit ever.