FOUR FRIGHTENED PEOPLE (1934)

Bubonic plague breaks out on a ship, so four of the passengers (a journalist, a teacher, a chemist and the wife of a politician) steal a lifeboat and head for a nearby island. Once there, they're informed by a native that the only way to civilization is to walk to the other side of the island. A four or five day journey through the jungle...and he would gladly show them the way. Unfortunately, this guy is an idiot and not only did he neglect to tell them there's hostile tribes in the jungle (not to mention a lot of icky creatures), he gets them fucking lost! So now they're wandering around aimlessly in circles. Not to fear though, because as the clothes slowly fall of of the mousy teacher (Colbert), the two guys suddenly realize that once she lets her hair down and looses the cheaters...that she's really hot! So now with romance in the air, the two guys joust over the affections of the fair maiden as cobras hiss and natives fling arrows through the necks of other natives.

For an early sound adventure/drama, FOUR FRIGHTENED PEOPLE is alright. It's a little too melodramatic, but it's still an entertaining watch. I was particularly impressed that it was filmed entirely on location. I found myself thinking about how I would love to see a behind the scenes feature showing the film crew lugging around those old gigantic cameras through the jungle.

If you're into classic cinema, then FFP is a good watch. It won't change your life or anything, but it's a solid film. Recommended. I am curious now as to what is the earliest movie to feature a hot chick "hidden" behind spectacles, pulled up hair and unflattering clothes?

I like how the Morse Code message was animated out on the wires of the ship.

IF YOU COULD ONLY COOK (1935)

[Update 05/16/2022: Need rewatch this film and redo this review completely. Fix the screenshots also.]

This movie is a disaster! With a title like IF YOU COULD ONLY COOK I was expecting all kinds of funny skits about a woman who's hired to be a cook but can't cook! Now that could have been comedy gold, but "Noooo!" this turkey has nothing to do with cooking! Instead it's just a forced love story about two people who, as far as I can tell, have nothing in common. Wealthy automobile executive Herbert Marshall gets in a big argument with his board of directors so he goes for a walk to cool down. While sitting on a park bench he meets unemployed Jean Arthur. She's looking through the Help Wanted classifieds and the only thing she can find is a position for a cook and butler/husband and wife. She talks Herbert into trying out for the job and they get hired on the spot! In my opinion that is a wonderful set up for some screwball excitement and in the hands of somebody like Howard Hawks, Frank Capra or Preston Sturges this movie would have been a sidesplitter, but we're not so lucky. Instead of going the over the top screwball route IYCOC is just a clusterfucked mess.

The biggest problem is the script. It sucks. There's nothing remotely funny at all. If I didn't already know this was a comedy I would have just mistaken it for a badly written drama. My second biggest complaint is Herbert Marshall. I liked him in stuff like THE FLY and FOREIGN CORRESPONDENT, but in this one he has the screen presence of an antique lamp. Terrible.

I have a few other complaints but they're not worth listing. Just take my word for it: this movie is a bore.