THE HILLS HAVE EYES PART II (1984)

The most shocking thing about THE HILLS HAVE EYES PART II is that it was written and directed by Wes Craven.  Usually when somebody comes along and shits, pisses and hadoukens their farts all over the original it's just a hack cashing in on a quick payday.  But no, Wes Craven wrote and directed this turd bucket himself.  I can only imagine what kind of drama went on behind the scenes for him to end up with a turkey like this the same year he also made the legendary A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET.

After a quick opening scene with one of the annoying survivors of the original snoozefest talking to a shrink, we're introduced to a new cast of annoying characters.  I would love to line up these suckers up and then run by with my hand out slapping them all in the face Three Stooges-style.  Wack, wack, wack, wack, wack...!!!  The main girl is a blind chick who's boyfriend is a motocross rider.  Him and his buddies are running late for a motorcycle race so they (along with some girls) take their bus on a shortcut through the desert.  And, as I'm sure you've already guessed, the bus breaks down.  Soon the cannibals show up...all two of them.

I could bitch about how there was only two cannibals, but instead, I'll bitch about how needlessly stupid the story is.  First off, one of the girls in the victim group just happens to be one of the cannibals from the original film!  I'm not saying it was the same actress in a different role, but it was one of the actual cannibal family members!  She ran away after Part 1, became a productive member of society and then ends up in Part II breaking down in her old hunting grounds.  What an idiot!  Why was she even within a thousand miles of those psychos?!  Another, maybe even stupider, thing is the fucking dog from the original film is also on the bus and he has a flashback back to when he bit Michael Berryman's foot!!!  Completely ridiculous.

Slow pace, zero gore, zero blood, unsexy topless scene, boring kills, weak special effects, stupid ending, lots of pointless chatter, music that sounds a whole lot like the music from FRIDAY THE 13TH, a dork riding a motorcycle into a stack of empty cardboard boxes, a guy violently jumping through a window for no reason, one shot (where the dog runs off) that looks like it was filmed in the daytime but the sky was literally painted black in the film!  Skip this piece of fuck and forget it even exists.

Part 1 - THE HILLS HAVE EYES (1977)
Remake - THE HILLS HAVE EYES (2006)
Remake sequel - THE HILLS HAVE EYES II (2007)

DEADLY FRIEND (1986)

Neurology and artificial intelligence nerd Paul moves to a new town to attend college.  He brings along his homemade robot BB.  BB seems pretty cool, but he has some deep seeded anger issues.  Paul's thrilled to meet his sexy new neighbor Kristy Swanson, but not so thrilled about her abusive father.  During an innocent Halloween prank they think it'd be funny to ring the doorbell of the cranky old lady across the street.  Bad idea.  As soon as Kristy gets up on the porch the old bat charges outside and kills BB with a shotgun.  A short time later Kristy's dad beats her to death.  I think you can see where this is going.  That's right.  Zombie robot.

You would think that since Paul is a teenager he would turn his new zombie robot girlfriend into a pleasure unit, but he's doesn't even have time for that because as soon as she wakes up she goes on a killing spree.  Including one of the greatest kills in the history big studio movies: the basketball scene.  Holy fuck.  Anybody who saw this movie as a kid knows what an unexpected shocker that was.

As entertainment I liked DEADLY FRIEND.  It seemed like it had its heart in the right place, but at the same time it seemed kinda uneven.  Like it was going in too many directions at once.  Interesting premise for a story, alright acting, nice simple look to it, surprising violence, weak science, zero nudity.  Honestly I wouldn't mind see a remake of the story.  Worth a single watch at least.