A SERBIAN FILM (2010)

You've heard the hype, so is A SERBIAN FILM as gruesome and fucked as everybody says? Probably, it's pretty fucked, but the tone of the movie wasn't mean-spirited at all, so that lessens the impact of the cruelty displayed onscreen. The biggest surprise for me though wasn't the "newborn porn" or the other depraved sex acts, but the fact that the lead character was played by Srdjan Todorovic from one of my favorite movies ever: BLACK CAT, WHITE CAT! That's fucking awesome!!!

Srdjan plays a semi-retired porn star, Milos, who has a nice-sized dong and has the ability to pop a rock hard boner instantly any time and maintain it for as long as he wants. Years earlier Milos was a big star in the porn world, but now he has a wife and kid that he loves dearly (that's never a good sign in a movie like this). He dreams of escaping to another country, but he doesn't have the money. Then a deal comes along that he can't pass up: star in a mysterious porno and get paid a large sum of money. Reluctantly, he agrees and very soon realizes that these dudes are completely fucked. Is there anyway that he can safely get out?

I liked the film, but not enough to recommend anything more than a one time watch. Technically it was much better than I expected it to be - the cinematography was quite impressive, the make up/effects looked good and the acting was good - but the whole film relies too heavily on the shock value and while that makes it fun during the first viewing I can't see how you could get any enjoyment out of watching it more than once or twice.

That said, Srdjan Todorovic was really good and his involvement alone is worth watching the movie. I just wish more of his stuff was available in America.

Side note: if you're interested in recent Cinema from this neck of the woods check out ZIFT. I really liked that movie a lot.

[SPOILERS!!!]
For those keeping score, here's the scorecard as I remember it:

• lots of tits
• a fair amount of dongs (real or not I don't know)
• naked pregnant woman giving birth then baby instantly raped (to death I presume) while mother smiles.
• naked woman doggy-styled then head chopped off and her corpse fucked
• numerous funny porno scenes
• brother getting his dick sucked by hooker while he watch a video of his brother's kid's birthday party
• father accidentally raping his young son's asshole while his brother rapes his wife
• guy punching woman in the face while she sucks his dick and a young girl sits nearby in a "Alice in Wonderland" dress smiling
• woman has teeth pulled out with pliers (offscreen) and then facefucked to death (onscreen)
• drugged guy raped in butthole by another guy
• guy has a boner rammed through his eyehole and into his brain killing him (highlight of the movie)

I think that's it.

THE WOMEN (1939)

Director George Cukor had a hell of a year in 1939. First, after spending two years in pre-production on GONE WITH THE WIND, he parting ways due to disagreements with David O. Selznick. During this time he also worked on THE WIZARD OF OZ where he altered the look of Dorothy, the Scarecrow and the Wicked Witch. And if that's not enough, after being dismissed from GWTW he directed THE WOMEN, which I'm confused as to why it wasn't even nominated for any Academy Awards. Could it have been because Cukor was pretty open about his homosexuality? How the fuck should I know! But I do know that Rosalind Russell was robbed...of a nomination, not the win. Olivia de Havilland was the one robbed of the win in 1939.

Anyway, THE WOMEN is a mile-a-minute drama/comedy about a bunch of cackling bitches who get no greater joy in life than making their friend's lives miserable. The target of their cruelty for this movie is the kind-hearted Norma Shearer who is madly in love with her husband, so naturally when the pack hear a rumor that Shearer's husband is messing around with a shopgirl they get all worked up into a frenzy and will stop at nothing to break up Norma's marriage. Nothing is too brutal for these women to say, they even bring Norma's daughter into their verbal attacks!

One of the things that I always found strange about THE WOMEN is the 10 minute fashion show right in the middle of the movie! It doesn't benefit the story in any way and more than anything it brings the story to a screeching stop right before an emotional scene. From what I've read Cukor didn't like the scene either, but it got left in anyway. My advise: when it starts just skip the chapter and forget that it ever existed. Other than that, I like this movie quite a bit, especially Rosalind Russell who is hilarious as the lead bitch. Her "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" scene was great.

Being over 70 years old this film is dated and over melodramatic, but if you can get over that you'll find a very enjoyable movie with a lot of witty dialogue. Fans of classic Hollywood should definitely check it out.

13 ASSASSINS (2010)

Set in the 1830's Japan you have this dude, Naritsugu, who's a total asshole. His hobbies include: tying up families and shooting arrows at them until they are dead (kids included), raping women (including one who he chopped off her arms and legs and tongue first and murdered her family then raped her), indiscriminately killing whoever and walks on the beach. Normally that kind of shit is not allowed in polite society, but Naritsugu is the son of a former Shogun and brother of the current Shogun! Word gets around that he's being a butthole, so some samurai decide to kill this guy for the greater good of the country.

That's easier said than done because this guy is highly guarded, so once they assemble their team of assassins they decide their best bet is to kill him while he's on the road traveling from one town to another. They do all kinds of shit and set up a trap, but once the trap is sprung it's not just a few guards, but over 200 against their 13!!!! Oh shit.

The highlight of the movie is the long as fuck battle scene that takes up the last third of the movie. Even despite some of the cheesy CGI it's a fun battle and one of the best in recent years, but it still doesn't carry the weight and emotion of some of the older Samurai classics like SAMURAI REBELLION, HARAKIRI, YOJIMBO/SANJURO, THE SWORD OF DOOM and of course SEVEN SAMURAI. The fight looks big and pretty, but I wasn't emotionally attached to any of the characters.

I know it kinda sounds like I was disappointed in 13 ASSASSINS and I guess, in a way, I was. Mainly because I listened to all the hype. It is a good movie and a fun watch, but I doubt that I would ever watch it again. The villain starts out to be a real asshole, but I wish he had been more threatening instead of in the end coming off as insane. More blood would have been nice also and not that crappy looking CG blood, I hate that shit. Also the CG bulls looked dumb as fuck. On one positive note the super brief appearance by Kazue Fukiishi made my day.