JAWS 2 (1978)

A few years after the original shark attacks, the seaside resort of Amity Island is finally getting back to normal and the future (with the help of new developer money) is looking bright...that is until some water skiers die in an "accident" and two divers disappear. Police Chief Brody, who got up close and personal with a great white shark in the original film, immediately thinks a shark is to blame, but the town council, fearing another mass exodus of tourist dollars, slams the iron fist down on him and fires him. He's bummed out and boozing hard, but when he discovers that his children are out on a group sailing trip, he throws his shit into high gear and goes out to kick some shark ass...or maybe just get himself eaten.

Successfully following up a smash hit is a hard job, but following up a smash hit that's also a very well-made film is damn near impossible. It's been done (ALIENS), but usually sequels end up just being watered down versions of the original. JAWS 2 is just a watered down version of the original, but it's still worth watching mainly due to the nice pace, a straight-forward story, likable teenagers, good kills and Roy Scheider reprising his role as Chief Brody.

One very interesting thing I did read on Wikipedia is that Steven Spielberg wrote a screenplay for JAWS 2 "based on Quint's Indianapolis speech" from the original film! Could that possibly be true and if so has that script ever seen the light of day? I would love to read it!

Anyway, JAWS 2 is definitely worth checking out.  Just make sure not to bump your head on that boom mic hanging down in Brody's kitchen.

Part 1 - Jaws (1975)
Part 3 - Jaws 3 (1983)
Part 4 - Jaws: The Revenge (1987)

FINAL DESTINATION 5 (2011)

A group of tiresome douchers are on a bus going to a company function. One of the douchers has a vision of everybody dying in a CG rendered disaster (as far as the series' disaster visions goes I rate this one as being better than 1, 3 and 4's but nowhere even close to the badassness of 2). Naturally, he does the standard freakout bullshit and ends up saving a few people, but afterwards they start dying in bizarre accidents.

The trailer lead me to believe that the on top of all the wacky Death killing people in MacGyver-ish ways that the people on Death's list discovered that if they kill an substitute human that they will be skipped over. Yeah, that new dynamic is touched on, but just barely and not at all in the race-against-time way I was expecting.

I really wanted to like this movie, especially after that silly Part 4, but while it was better than 4, the whole thing was boring! I mean come on, I really don't need to hear those fucking rules all over again. It's torture.

Zero tits, CG blood, annoying characters you wanted to punch in the face, failed humor, rehashed story. Honestly, you'd be better off watching Part 2 again instead of this auto-piloted snoozer.

Part 1 - Final Destination (2000)
Part 2 - Final Destination 2 (2003)
Part 3 - Final Destination 3 (2006)
Part 4 - The Final Destination (2009)

CONTAGION (2011)

It's common knowledge that EBOLA SYNDROME is the greatest disease/virus outbreak movie of all time, but yet filmmakers still feel the need to try and defeat it...when will they ever learn?! [walks off shaking his handsome head]

CONTAGION opens with Gwyneth Paltrow looking more haggard than usual as she leaves China and returns to her family in Minnesota. Before long she collapses and dies. Her young son also dies. MEV-1 has made it to America. You would expect what follows to be a very exciting story of the vrus spreading and humankind's efforts to stop it. That actually is the story, but it's methodical and dull. I wanted so much to like this movie because I love outbreak films, but CONTAGION is a lifeless disaster. There's absolutely zero build-up so you never even have a chance to identify or like the characters and there's so many characters all running around different parts of the world doing different things it's difficult to even figure out what the movie is even going for...if anything! Because it certainly wasn't "To entertain audience."

The trailer did look exciting, but what's implied is not what happens. Instead of an exciting race-against-the-clock thriller with a roller coaster pace, we get a slow moving clunker with the pace of an 96-year-old man masturbating to an IKEA catalog. If the transmission rate of MEV-1 was as slow as this movie, then nobody would have died...ever! Plenty of talent on the screen, but it's all wasted by the slow as molasses script and weak direction. Skip it.

Sounds like that old South Park episode.