CRUISING (1980)

There's a rash of brutal killings going on in the leather/S&M segment of the NYC gay community.  At the same time there's unidentified male body parts washing up on the Hudson River.  Could it all be linked to the same killer?  There's only one way to find out: throw cop Al Pacino deep undercover in the leather bar scene and see what happens.  Did he get any kind of specialized training?  How about a psychological evaluation first?  Exactly how deep undercover is he?  Can he do drugs?  Have gay sex?  What exactly is going on?  Who knows, cause none of that is ever explained.  The film opens with some crime stuff, then Al getting asked if he wants to go undercover, he agrees and BOOM! he's undercover in a gay bar looking like a fish out of water while some dude is getting fisted off to the side. 

Despite the purposeful(?) ambiguity, I really enjoyed the first 50 minutes or so, but then when it got more centered in on the crime solving and less on the gay bars I began to lose interest.  Also, the vagueness of the killer was bothersome.  Did the same actor play the killer in all of the killer scenes?  I know for a fact that wasn't his real voice.  And what was up with that weak ending?  For starting off so vigorously, CRUISING busts it's thick, hot, yummy, sticky load way too soon.

I did really like the scene where Al was dancing and huffing on that rag.  Every time he hit it the colors brightened and his dancing got more animated.  Good stuff.  In summery, CRUISING is a good film, but it could have really benefited from a more straight-forward story, a more memorable killer, more brutality and much more sweaty gay sex.  A better explanation of the leather scene would have helped also.  Still, it's very much worth watching.  Keep an sharp eye out for all of the young actors that would later go on to big careers.

HOW TO STUFF A WILD BIKINI (1965)

The Beach series really fell off the rails on this one.  Released just two months(!!!) after BEACH BLANKET BINGO, HTSAWB is a unfunny pile of dolphin testicles.  Frankie Avalon is now a sailor.  Stationed in Tahiti, he's knee deep in pussy.  One day, a native girl that he's banging playfully mentions that his girlfriend Dee Dee (Annette) is probably getting lots of strange dick while he's away.  This infuriates Frankie, so he hires a witch doctor (Buster Keaton) to have a bird spy on Annette and send a girl that can stuff a wild bikini to steal all the attention from the boys.  Meanwhile, Mickey Rooney and Brian Donlevy are ad execs searching for the "boy and girl next door" for an advertising campaign.  The male winner of the campaign, Dobie Gillis, excuse me, I mean, Dwayne Hickman falls for Annette, but Mickey and Brain have their sights set on the witchdoctor's decoy...and so does Eric Von Zipper.

That might not sound too bad, but trust me, it's a fucking snoozefest.  All of the jokes are D.O.A., the acting is stale and the songs!  Oh my god, they suck.  Forced, lifeless, talentless and torture to listen to.  In the older films the songs mostly had a natural feel to them, whether it was Frankie and Annette walking on the beach together or a band in the clubhouse, but here there songs just come out of nowhere.  People are talking then suddenly "The perfect boy doesn't have to be a Hercules (Hercules).  The perfect boy doesn't have to be Euripides ('ripdies)."  Euripides?!! Hahahaha!  Sadly, that's probably the best song in the movie, but those dumbass lyrics cracked me up.

Lame musical numbers, unfunny jokes, overacting, stupid story, Annette wearing tons of clothing since she was pregnant during the filming, Frankie reduced to probably less than 10 minutes of screentime, stupid motorcycle race finale, weak end credits without any go-go dancing.  The only funny thing was Eric Von Zipper and the Rats and they weren't that funny.  Skip it with a vengeance or watch it to make fun of.

Part 1 - Beach Party (1963)
Part 2 - Muscle Beach Party (1964)
Part 3 - Bikini Beach (1964)
Part 4 - Pajama Party (1964)
Part 5 - Beach Blanket Bingo (1965)
Part 7 - The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini (1966)
Part 8 - Back to the Beach (1987)