BLOODY MISTAKE II (2009)

I’m sure everybody remembers how Part 1 ended with the double-barrel shotgun blast of not one but two cliffhangers. The first being Ken staring at the maid’s butt and then Ken’s mom asking Princess if she loved Ken. Well, Part 2 takes up immediately where Part 1 left off with Ken walking outside to talk to his mom and Princess and Princess (once the mom leaves) telling Ken that she’s sore from Ken fucking her so hard! Or, at least, I think that’s what she said. For some reason the music in this film is literally at equal volume (or louder) than the dialogue and it was fucking me up. But in a good way since whatever I couldn’t understand I just added in myself. It was highly entertaining and honestly, I think Part 2 might even be better than Part 1!

Solid acting, great story that’s pretty much just Ken being a dumbass all the time (I loved it), new characters and old characters, lots of arguing, lots of new cliffhangers, a title screen that makes it look like the movie is called BLOODY II MISTAKE, super fast pace with new drama unfolding non-stop, multiple scenes where I was so excited that I had to rewind it to enjoy again, a very bizarre poster on Ken's wall. The only two complaints I have about the film are the mom character had way less screentime than she did in Part 1 and in one scene the mother of the young man Ken’s mom was fucking in Part 1 was watching television and it showed Sarah Palin. Ugggh! I’m trying to have a good time over here, nobody wants to see that reprehensible shit.

That one vomitous split-second scene aside, BLOODY MISTAKE II was fun from beginning to end. The 70 minute runtime flew by and I was legitimately upset when it ended. On yet another cliffhanger obviously.

Part 1 - Bloody Mistake (2009)

POLICE ACADEMY 4: CITIZENS ON PATROL (1987)

Commandant Lassard starts up a new program called "Citizens On Patrol" where citizens work alongside normal police. How very, very exciting.

Nobody in their right mind gives a fuck about this story. It’s all just an excuse to introduce new cadets. So, who do we got? David Spade as an adult teenage skater, Brian Backer as another adult teenage skater, Tab Thacker as some giant dude, Corinne Bohrer as a preppy (I think) who falls for Zed, Billie Bird as an old lady version of Tackleberry and various boring people. It’s all very dumb and ends up in a hot air balloon chase. Yawn.

Dull story, not one single joke that can be considered actually funny (for example: during the hot air balloon chase, a cop gives a warning shot and shoots straight up into his own balloon), dead on arrival acting, okay pace, a script that is really just a series of skits, zero nudity outside of a super fast wet t-shirt on Callahan, various unattractive people in the background, a skateboarding montage featuring Tony Hawk, old jokes being hammered into the ground, an abrupt ending, multiple characters including Hooks, Mrs. Tackleberry and Hightower who almost completely disappear from the last half of the movie, a random ninja fight. I'm curious as to why early on they made such a big production of showing that two of the cadets are skaters, but then never had them skate even one time once they showed up at the academy?

Overall, POLICE ACADEMY 4: CITIZENS ON PATROL seems like it was written for dim-witted children. Unless you’re a glutton for lame movies, then I can see little reason to waste your time on this clunker. When Corinne Bohrer showed up early on, I felt a glimmer of hope since she was so awesome in JOYSTICKS and SURF II, but nope. She did ease the pain some, but she wasn’t in enough scenes. Can you relate?

Part 1 - Police Academy (1984)
Part 2 - Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985)
Part 3 - Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986)
Part 5 - Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988)
Part 6 - Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989)
Part 7 - Police Academy: Mission to Moscow (1994)