THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD (1985)

"You think this is a fucking costume? This is a way of life!"

Next to the original DAWN OF THE DEAD, TROTLD is the greatest zombie movie of all time.

The story starts out with with a new guy, Freddy (played by Thom Mathews who, as you remember, is the only person, male or female, to get their ass grabbed by Jason Voorhees), learning the ropes of being a shipping clerk at a medical supply warehouse in Louisville, Kentucky.  His trainer is an old-timer named Frank.  Frank is showing Freddy the ropes.  The half-dogs, the skeletons with the perfect teeth, the crutches, the excelsior, the bedpans...the toxic gas and cadaver-filled barrel in the basement that was accidentally shipped there fourteen years ago by the military!!! As you can guess, the contents of the barrel gets out and all kinds of living dead hell breaks loose.

There's many reasons why THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD is such a frequent visitor to my television, but the main one is simply that it's so much fun!  The story is very simple; the characters are all very likeable, unique and realistic; the acting is excellent; the script is extremely sharp and filled with tons of quotable lines; a zombie little person; the sets look great; the playful punk soundtrack fits the mood perfectly; the pace never lets up for a second; the special effects are impressive; rabid weasels...and the little things.  There are so many little moments in this film that are just great,  Whether it's the bizarre way that Ernie uses the scissors to cut his pants leg or the way Casey tenses up during especially dramatic scenes or the way Chuck smilingly looks off camera during Linnea Quigley's main nude scene.  And don't even get me started on James Karen!  Honest to god, James Karen should have at least received a Oscar nomination for his acting in this movie.  There are so many bizarre little things that he does in this film.  I've actually had viewings where all I do is watch him the entire time he's on the screen.  It's beyond great.  It's kinda like Ruth Gordon's performance in ROSEMARY'S BABY.

Anyway, I could go on about TROTLD for hours.  Just watch it.  And remember...mind the third step.  It's a bitch.

P.S. Burt is a cheap son of a bitch who's going bald too haha

Part 2 - Return of the Living Dead Part II (1988)
Part 3 - Return of the Living Dead 3 (1993)
Part 4 - Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis (2005)
Part 5 - Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave (2005)

EATEN ALIVE (1977)

What a bizarre movie.  Instead of doing the logical thing and following up THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE with a cash-in sequel (who knows, maybe there was an legal issue) TCM director/producer/writer/composer Tobe Hooper, writer Kim Henkel and main actress Marilyn Burns created this almost fever dream-like story of an old coot (Neville Brand) running a hotel near a swamp.  Despite the fact that the hotel is completely dilapidated, there's no road nearby and the owner is clearly insane the place still gets a steady stream of customers...whom, the owner, kills about as quickly as they show up and then feeds to his huge crocodile.  It makes no sense at all.

Still, there's something about EATEN ALIVE that you can't take your eyes off of it.  It's just so strange that it's more fascinating than it is entertaining.  Over-the-top acting by an whole cast of weird characters, sudden unexpected spurts of violence, gritty camerawork that reminded me at moments of TCM, eternal nighttime, two surprisingly nice topless scenes, strange set design, fake as hell looking crocodile, Marilyn Burns underused (she should have had a bigger role), lots of fog (at one point - 1:19:53 - I swear Neville does the Leatherface dance, but there's so much fog it's hard to tell), old timey country music playing almost non-stop, surreal colours, Freddy Krueger topless.

Not horrible, but not good either.  Just strange.