Wednesday, June 15, 2016

ANTROPOPHAGUS (1980)

"Eat me, you piece of shit!"

Seven friends, who are too stupid to live, go to a small island 100 miles off the coast of Greece to visit some friends.  Once there, they find it odd that the entire population of the island is missing, but not odd enough to get the hell out of there.  Instead, they wander around until they start getting killed by some tall sunburnt cannibalistic butthole with shaggy hair and bugged-out eyes.  Once the killings start they do the only viable option you have when you're being stalked by a lone flesh-eating monster...they split up constantly.  They don't gather any weapons and use the strength of numbers to overpower this one dude.  Oh no.  They split up nonstop and walk around like idiots until...well, I don't want to give away the exciting ending.  Yawn.

ANTROPOPHAGUS was directed and co-written by Joe D'Amato, so that in itself should be all you need to know to stay away from this film, but in all honestly ANTROPOPHAGUS isn't that bad.  It's definitely better than the majority of the stuff helmed by D'Amato (I'm talking about you PORNO HOLOCAUST, you piece of shit!!!), but that doesn't mean it's good.  Slow pace, goofy-looking killer, bland-looking "victims" that were so unremarkable that I could hardly tell them apart, very weak attempts at self-preservation, lightning fast nudity, low gore, mildly entertaining kills (even the infamous "fetus" scene was so poorly presented that it was barely shocking), disappointing ending.

Worth a watch, I guess, for horror fans.  As for me, this was the second time that I've seen ANTROPOPHAGUS and hopefully it's the last. Although it probably would be fun to make fun of it with friends.
You're already inside motherfucker!

Monday, June 13, 2016

THE ANTICHRIST (1974)

As far as THE EXORCIST ripoffs go THE ANTICHRIST isn't too bad.  A young woman named Ippolita (Carla Gravina) was paralyzed from the waist down in a car accident when she was 12.  The strange thing is the doctors cannot find anything wrong with her.  Her father (Mel Ferrer) is extremely wealthy and will do anything to cure her, so when her uncle (Arthur Kennedy) suggests a psychologist, who specializes in cases like hers, Mel immediately brings him in.  The doctor, using hypnosis, soon discovers that the paralysis is caused by both sexual frustration and a past life experience by a relative (who had the exact same name) who was burned alive for witchcraft!  Wow!!!  Somehow during all of this Ippolita is possessed by the same demon that possessed her ancestor.

Anyway, the whole story is just an excuse to get to the demon stuff and...it's entertaining.  THE ANTICHRIST had a lower budget than THE EXORCIST and the story is nowhere nearly as gripping, but the acting (by the impressive cast) is above average and the story does move along at a nice pace.  The demon-possession scenes themselves featured green projectile vomit, one head-spinning murder, demon-powered levitation, visions of a Satanic ritual (complete with off-screen goat butthole licking!), fire, rain, a fake-as-hell-looking snake, very mild nudity, blood licking, vomit licking, invisible demon sex, mouth foam, tons of blasphemous profanities and floating furniture.

Worth a viewing for fans of such things, but mainstream audiences would probably dislike it.