STARRY EYES (2014)

"This industry is a plague Sarah, a plague of unoriginality..."

Yawn.  A young woman in Los Angeles wants to be a popular actress.  She hasn't had any success so far, so she's understandably excited when she gets a callback from a recent audition.  Trouble is, they're actually mysterious Satan worshipers out to...uhhh, well, fuck, I don't know.  Do they want her soul?  If so, they go through a lot of trouble for just one soul.  Are they going to use her as a vessel to seduce other people into Satan's open arms?  If so, does it work?  Cause we never see shit on screen.  Have they done this before?  Cause there's zero explanation as to where this cult(?) originated.  Did she truly realize what she was getting herself into?  Cause all I saw was her agreeing to suck some old dude's ping-ding, then the next thing you know is she's all nasty-looking and barfing up maggots.  Also...What is the end game for this whole plan?  Do they have supernatural powers?  Is she the only one they're currently messing with?  How many people are involved with this group?  How high up does this conspiracy go?  Is this how Seth Rogen got his start?

Whatever, I don't even care.  I went into STARRY EYES hoping for an entertaining movie and ended up struggling just to make it to the end of this dreamy snoozer.  Slow pace with no payoff, mild blood, one mild topless scene, thinly-constructed characters that I didn't care about, low-budget outdoor scenes that are void of people, okay acting, lots of darkly lit scenes, zero tension.

With a bigger budget and a script that actually goes somewhere the idea used for STARRY EYES could be entertaining, but, as it is, it's just meh.

Neville Brand in EVILS OF THE NIGHT.

CITY ON FIRE (1979)

The star-studded cast can't hide the fact that the story for this movie suuuuuccckkkks.  After being introduced to all of the (bland) characters, we're finally treated to this nameless city blowing the fuck up (thanks to a disgruntled oil refinery employee) and...it's pretty boring.  Poorly photographed explosions mixed in with stock footage.  The story eventually focuses in on some firemen's efforts to rescue the people trapped in a hospital and...that's boring as well.  In fact, there's nothing about CITY ON FIRE that isn't boring!  Boring script, boring special effects, boring photography, boring acting.  I really enjoy disaster movies, but CITY ON FIRE straight-up bored me to death.  Which is a shame since Henry Fonda and Shelley Winters are both amazing talents (just watch MISTER ROBERTS or A PLACE IN THE SUN if you don't believe me), but they are strictly on auto-pilot here.  Collecting a paycheck.

Outside of morbid curiosity or self-hatred, I can't think of too many reasons to ever subject yourself to this boring turkey.  Skip it with a vengeance.

According to Box Office Mojo, CITY ON FIRE cost $5.3 million to make and only brought in $784,000.  That's kinda funny.

Eating egg shells.

HIGH AND LOW (1963)

"Success isn't worth losing your humanity."

Just as a wealthy businessman, Toshiro Mifune, is on the verge of spending every single yen he has on a stock deal that will give him control of the corporation that he works for, he receives a phone call that will change his life forever: his only son has been kidnapped!  The kidnapper wants a massive ransom that will financially break Mifune, but he agrees.  The kidnapper promises to call back with instructions and right as Mifune is discussing things with his frantic wife...his son walks in.  Wat da fuq?  Ends up the kidnapper accidentally kidnapped Mifune's chauffeur's son instead of Mifune's kid.  Now Mifune must decide if he should risk certain financial destruction for an employee's child.  He must also ask himself "If I don't, will my wife ever have sex with me again?"

I love police procedurals, especially when the investigation is headed up by Tatsuya Nakadai!  He's one of my absolute favorite actors and seeing him and Mifune together is always exciting.  Takashi Shimura also shows up as a cop, but for whatever reason his role is very small.  I was really disappointed by that.  Anyway, HIGH AND LOW is a very well made film with an exciting story, awesome camera work (the train scene was bad ass) and top-notch acting by an impressive cast full of familiar faces.

A few minor complaints would be: the runtime (143 minutes) is a little too long and the cops...not only did they do a terrible job at tailing the kidnapper on foot (how he never spotted them is beyond me), but they were 100% responsible for that one woman's death!  Then again, maybe that was done on purpose to show that the police only care about protecting wealthy people, even at the expense of letting a penniless drug addict die.

Definitely worth a watch for fans of Japanese cinema and good movies in general.