Saturday, November 21, 2009

PHANTOM OF THE MALL: ERIC'S REVENGE (1987)

So Eric's just minding his own business, chillin' at the house, bangin' his hot girlfriend's hot pussy when out of nowhere an evil real estate developer burns down his house on top of him! What an butthole!!! But...Eric lives!

A normal person would go to the hospital, maybe get some reconstructive surgery and then sue the shit out of the developer and live the rest of your life like a king...but no, not Eric he says "Fuck dat shit!!!" He just disappears for a year or so (where?!) while they build the mall, then he sets up shop in the bowels of the mall, lifts a lot of weights, learns kung-fu and become really proficient with a crossbow, security cameras and snake training. Lucky for him his ex-girlfriend gets a job at the mall so he stalks her nonstop while at the same time killing the shit out of all the people on his ever growing Shit List.

I love 80's horrorcheese, so it's pretty much a given that I'm going to give this movie a positive review, but even without my 80's weakness, Eric's kills are pretty imaginative and fun to watch: face into fan, cobra bite to the dick, hydraulic door to head, forklift ramming into electrical box and so forth. Zero gore, badly shot of the main girl's hot tits, awesome 80's fashions, great mall scenes, pretty good pace, Cort from JASON LIVES: FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VI, a non-threatening killer, Ken Foree and I'm also positive this is the same mall from CHOPPING MALL. If you like horror movies and don't take it too serious then I think you'll have a good time.