Sunday, July 25, 2010

BLOOD BEACH (1980)

Shitty movie. I paid $3 for a copy and I still got ripped off! I can't even imagine the amount of sadness and disappointment BLOOD BEACH caused back in the early 80's when teenagers hoping for some good weekend scares rented this turkey from their local neighborhood video store. Poor bastards.

People are disappearing left and right at a local beach in Los Angeles. The police aren't smart enough to actually put cops on patrol all along the beach so people keep getting sucked into sinkholes. That's really about it. It's an alright idea, it worked great for TREMORS, but the people in charge here aren't the people from TREMORS so instead we have way, way too much time wasted on following the police around. This movie might as well have just been a police drama with the perp being a giant antlion mixed with a evil, mutated sunflower.

If you're going to have a movie about a killer creature stalking the visitors of a beach why make it a boring public beach? Why not the beach of a exclusive sex resort?! That way you can have the greedy owners hiding the facts about the deaths and then have all the victims be the semi-naked and fully naked drunken sex tourists!!! Of course you have to make them all extremely hot. Also when a creature snatches a victim make it look like they're slowly being lowered into a giant blender with 200 gallons of blood and intestines spraying a hundred feet into the air.

Zero nudity, zero blood or gore, no attractive women, the world's most inept cops and a lame looking monster that's only onscreen for 5 seconds. Fuck BLOOD BEACH.
/div>
Pretty much the only shot of the monster.