Thursday, July 22, 2010

HARDGORE (1974)

[Update 5/16/16: I'm going to update the pictures on this review as soon as I get some spare time.]

An unattractive teenager with a hairy pussy is committed to a sanitarium to be cured of her nymphomaniac desires . Bad News Bears for her though because the joint is ran by a bunch of Satan worshipers who drug her and have her take place in their nonstop blood orgies. But lets not get ahead of ourselves...

One minute into the movie the chick is already checked in and when the nurse shows her to her room they just start fingering and scissoring right off the bat! And this is hardcore full penetration! I wasn't expecting that!!! After the scissoring they go to the the shower to cool off their excessively hairy beavers. Pussy eating takes place. Later that day the nymphomaniac chick is in her room alone when she finds a box full of dildos so she does the only logical thing in a movie like this: crams them in her snizz. Suddenly it's nighttime and she hears a weird noise and opens her door to find the nurse with her throat slit! She runs down the hall (naked as a jaybird), when suddenly she's in a orgy sucking two dudes dicks for a long time then out of nowhere a knife flies down and chops off this dude's schlong! Blood and jizz shoots all over the chicks face.

She wakes up in a hospital bed and a nurse tells her to get naked and lay down and proceeds to cure her hallucinations by rubbing a plug-in-the-wall vibrator on her tits and pussy!!!  Naturally they start fucking and then while the nurse is vibrating herself, a mysterious hand opens the door and turns the power meter on the vibrator controller up to full blast causing the nurse's pussy to catching fire!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! While smoke is bellowing out of her vagina she yells "It's ruined! Call my mother! Oh my God! Hurry, call the doctor and the fire department!" I nearly passed out from laughter at this point.

That night a full blown Satanic orgy takes place with tons of sex and one massive cumshot. The 10-minute orgy scene ends with a chick getting it doggystyle while having her head chopped off in a guillotine!!! Holy shit!

The next night(?) the main chick overhears two doctors talking about how they are going to kill her during a superorgy. They discover her peeping on them and take her to "the room". The Room is full of dead, mutilated women. One doctor crawls up on a corpse and starts humping while the other doctor drugs the main girl and starts raping her. She hallucinates a cool looking and surprisingly well photographed 12-minute sex scene that reminded me a lot of Jodorowsky's THE HOLY MOUNTAIN.

As, punishment she's left bound in the room full of dead women and since she's trippin balls she sees all kinds of weird shit including some rocket-powered disembodied cocks that fly around and shoot gallons of jizz on her.  I can honestly say I wasn't expecting that to happen.

Now cums the final superorgy! It last forever and includes a guy having violent sex with a feather pillow. It ends (finally) with the high priest dude busting a nut on her face, then she springs to life, grabs a giant battle axe and kills the high priest and the pillowhumper before a random Satanists beats her to death with a human skull. My brain was oozing out my ears at this point, when in the final shot they stick a burning candle into her cold, dead pussy.  The End.

I...I don't even know what to say. To make a movie like this the drug budget have been three times bigger than the production budget and it was worth it because HARDGORE, even 40 years later still has the power anybody who's lucky enough to watch it. Also for whatever reason the fuzzed out guitar rock background music was actually pretty damn impressive. Way better than it had any right to be.

My biggest complaint is there was more sex than gore. I enjoy sex scenes, but watching these coked out, hairy hippies bumping uglies was almost too much for me to take. I would have much rather seen some meat hooks through tits and blood sacrifices.

If you can find a copy for cheap then check it out!

Boom mic hanging down.