Friday, May 9, 2014

INVASION U.S.A. (1985)

Ain't no shitty CGI up in this bitch. Chuck Norris don't need no shitty CGI to kick a entire army of commie terrorists asses. Fuck no. Chuck Norris is a retired badass living in the swamp with his pet armadillo just minding his own business. Then the stupid idiot terrorists have to come and blow up his house and kill his buddy...now he's pissed. For the rest of the movie it's nonstop Chuck being one move ahead of the terrorists and kicking their nuts. Put a bomb on a school bus...Chuck'll attach it to your car. Put a bomb in a church...Chuck'll blow you up instead. Go around shooting people in the pecker with a pistol...Chuck'll shoot you in the ping ding with a rocket launcher.

In the mid-80's Chuck had a whole string of badass action movies: DELTA FORCE, MISSING IN ACTION 2, LONE WOLF MCQUADE, FIREWALKER, but I think INVASION is my favorite only because it's so damn silly. The terrorists for whatever reason actually use amphibious landing craft (where were they coming from?!), then just start bombing and shooting everything in an attempt to cause anarchy. Chuck shows up out of nowhere and instantly starts killing people. It's awesome!!!  Action audiences aren't worrying about a story, we just want to see shit blow the fuck up and INVASION U.S.A. delivers. A lot of modern day action movies could learn a thing or two from this movie. One of my favorite things is a lot of people have rocket or grenade launchers and they never reload they just shoot the thing like it has infinite ammo.

Tons of action, lots of explosions, impressive stunts, very little story, no CGI, great one-liners, Richard Lynch at his most evil (and most memorable) bad guy as Mikhail Rostov, fist fights, Billy Drago getting shot in the dick, shit talking, a few tits but they are hard to see, a baby armadillo that's really cute, Chuck Norris in full beard and shirt unbuttoned a lot. If you haven't seen this movie then you're not a real American. I'm surprised Michael Bay hasn't remade this movie.
Chuck Norris driving down Walker St....whoa.