Thursday, September 18, 2014

BLACK ROSES (1988)

The rock band Black Roses is planning a concert in the small Footloose-style town of Mill Basin.  The parents are up in an uproar, so they chaperone their (thirty-year-old) teenagers to the show, but once the band starts playing some weak, cheesedick power ballet they decide these guys are such a group of raging pussies that they can't possibly be murderous pack of demons out to turn their kids into sex-crazed serial killers.  They leave and literally one second after the door closes, the lights go out and BAM! the lead singer is wearing a leather leotard/onesie with fucking cheetah fur on his crotch! Fuck yeah!!! The band immediately charges into a pathetic 12th rate hair metal rocker that I guess is suppose to be evil.

Fast forward a little bit and the teenagers are killing their parents, murdering the high school principal, littering and even necking in public! Poetry teacher/part-time Tom Selleck impersonator Mr. Moorhouse has had enough of this bullshit so he kicks the lead singer in the round tables then lights the band on fire. It's awesome.

If you're looking for a serious horror movie then skip it, but if you want something you can laugh then BLACK ROSES fits the bill. I laughed until my sides hurt. From a artistic viewpoint the movie isn't bad.  Straightforward story, pearl necklaces, glowing demon hand, quick pace, goofy songs, four topless scenes, demon getting kicked in the demon nuts, Julie Adams, a DAWN OF THE DEAD poster, a SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE poster, demon choking on a tennis ball, two Lamborghini's, fog machine, a Cro-Mags shirt, forum, forum!  Recommended for fans of cheese horror.