As with most of the stuff I watch, I went into MORITURIS without knowing anything ahead of time. And goddamn it if I didn’t piss a pickle with this motherfucker. The mental and visual torture starts with a completely unneeded opening scene that darn near made me give up on this turkey altogether. Ninety minutes later, I wish I had watched some German in Venice videos on YouTube instead.
Two female geniuses decide it would be a good idea to take a road trip with three creepy male strangers (who definitely don’t give off rapist vibes literally the first minute they’re on the screen) to an illegal rave in the woods. After thirty minutes of stimulating conversations about how the moon can be drawn by drawing a circle, a bear is not a horse and how “the first thing aboriginals learn are names of genitals”, our heroes arrive at their secluded destination. Eventually, around the 56 minute mark…gladiator zombies attack. Slowly.
The idea of zombie gladiators is okay, I guess. Kinda goofy, but whatever, I’m willing to give it a chance. I mean, hey, the skeletons in JASON AND THE ARGONAUTS were awesome. But nope, these dudes suck. There’s literally nothing cool about them. They all move like they’re wearing an invisible 1800's diving suit and look like they’ve been evenly sprayed with some kind of fake dust powder. Plus, the kills were silly.
Cast populated with characters that I hated, night scenes that look like they were filmed inside Satan’s asshole, multiple uses of the n-word that should have gone in the trash can along with the multiple rape scenes, cringe dialogue that made me feel sorry for the future of humanity, extremely slow pace, multiple moving corpses (breathing, toes wiggling, arms moving), many nude scenes but it was all mean-spirited and during rape scenes so I'm not posting any of that shit.
Honestly, I cannot think of a reason why anybody should ever watch this film. I wish I never had. Skip it with a vengeance and never look back.
