CANDY (1968)

Very hit-or-miss string of surreal vignettes about a sexy teenage girl who comes from space and ends up messing with a whole bunch of dudes. That might sound like the plot to a porno, but unfortunately CANDY is very tame.  There's not even any nudity!

A wiggly light comes down from outer space and lands in the desert. It takes the form of an attractive teenage girl. Then bam! She's in high school.  A great poet (Richard Burton) shows up and before long she's half naked on the pool table in her basement kissing Ringo Starr while Burton gets busy with a mannequin on the floor.  Suddenly Gomez Addams walks in! And that's just the first few minutes of the movie! It only gets weirder, much weirder, from there on. Everything but the kitchen sink is thrown in and somehow it actually works for the most part, especially the final few minutes which, I thought, were pretty awesome.

Some people might complain that it's bewilderingly incoherent mess and they would be 100% correct, but looking at it from a historical viewpoint, CANDY is a remarkable look into whatever kind of weird counter-cultural bullshit was going on back in 1968. If you are at all curious about the stranger, more psychedelic corners of 60's cinema then you should check it out.  Also, Richard Burton's crazy hair looks a lot like Bill Murray's crazy hair at the end of KINGPIN.

THE VISITOR (1979)

[Update 7/2/2019: I want to revisit this movie. Maybe I missed something. Need to fix the screenshots also.]

It's probably safe to say that the makers of this films were baked out of their fucking skulls.

From what I gathered, John Huston is a super old wizard or something and a shitload of years ago he kicked some dude's ass and that dude somehow spread his seed all over the universe. So now Huston is going around capturing this dude's offspring and returning them to some room where they hang out with some blue-eyed hippie that looks like Jesus.

Huston's latest travels bring him to Atlanta where he's tracking down a little girl and her killer falcon. She shouldn't be too hard to find though, just look for the foul-mouthed little girl with the glowing eyes who's busy throwing other kids through windows, tossing somebody into a large aquarium, shooting her mother in the back (leaving her paralyzed), kicking people down the stairs and causing all kinds of bizarre freak accidents.

As far as THE OMEN ripoffs go, this one is definitely one of the strangest and most discombobulated. And I'm not saying that in a good way. This movie is a mess. The story is silly, the special effects are shit, the music doesn't even belong in this type of film, there's little violence and the pace is almost torture. The only thing saving this movie from being a complete piece of shit is the cast. How the filmmakers talked so many talented actors to be in this movie I have no idea. They must have blown their entire budget on getting names on the marquee when they should have been concentrating on the script.

Good for a few laughs, but beyond that forget it. That poster is awesome though. It reminds me of the one from TERRORVISION.