TRIPLE 9 (2016)

Atlanta, Georgia.  Five crooked cops are in cahoots with a Russian mafia family.  As always, in these types of movies, things soon spiral out of control and people start turning on each other.  In this case, the mafia family has the upper hand on the crooked cops and they instruct them to steal a certain safety security box from a bank.  They do (rather sloppily), but instead of paying them, the mafia orders the crooked cops to do a second (even more dangerous) job.  This doesn't sit well with the crooked cops and tensions rise.  At the same time, one of the crooked cops is given a new partner (an actual honest cop!) and detective Woody Harrelson is put on the case to solve the original bank robbery.  Other stuff happens as well.

During the first part of TRIPLE 9 I was digging it, but then things bogged down and by the end I just didn't care anymore.  The biggest problem is there's too damn much going on and I never knew who the main characters was...if there even was one.  Both Chiwetel Ejiofor and Casey Affleck turn in solid performances, but unfortunately there was so many other people with equal screen time it was impossible for me to get fully invested in their characters.  Also, I wish that the characters at least looked different.  The crooked cop gang consisted of two blacks, one Latino and two white brothers.  At the same time, the new partner Casey Affleck is white and his character looked similar to crooked crew member Aaron Paul, so I kept getting them mixed up and the two black guys in the crooked cop crew Chiwetel Ejiofor and Anthony Mackie were always wearing the same type of clothes and sometimes even masks(!) and once again I kept getting confused as to who the hell was who.  Maybe I'm just an ignorant fuck, but I really wish the characters had been more distinct.

Promising story that never pans out, muted colours, three entertaining action scenes, quick glimpses of grittiness that do nothing more than tease, solid acting by an overpopulated cast, lame cock tease during that exploding car scene (I wanted to actually see the car explode, not some lame off-in-the-distance explosion like a helicopter exploding behind the hill on "Airwolf"), weak nudity, cool looking Mexican gang bangers, zombies ahead, nice camerawork, mediocre direction.

Worth watching, but it's nowhere near as awesome as it could have been if the filmmakers had streamlined the story/cast and upped the gritty drama. If you need me, I'll be in my room watching "True Detective" season 1, episode 4.

SEVEN PSYCHOPATHS (2012)

A screenwriter (Colin Farrell) is having troubles with his drinking, his relationship with his girlfriend and coming up for an idea for his next script.  His best friend (Sam Rockwell) is an unhinged douchebag who (along with Christopher Walken) make money by kidnapping dogs and then collecting the reward.  What an asshole.  Anyway, so one day Rockwell kidnaps the prized dog of a local gangster (Woody Harrelson) who will stop at nothing to get his dog back.  That's not the strongest setup ever, but it does have potential to lead up to some awesomely over-the-top stuff going on...but no.  Instead, we have Rockwell talking nonstop while being self-destructive and crazed and for some unknown reason Farrell just sticks with him throughout it all.  Doesn't this guy have any normal, non-crazy friends?

With a title like SEVEN PSYCHOPATHS my mind was exploding with all kinds of awesome possibilities, but instead we get stuff like a serial killer that hunts serial killers.  Wow.  That's deep.  I too am a fan of Dexter.  Or a guy who hates somebody so much he follows him into Hell.  Amazing.  That's deep.  I enjoyed WHAT DREAMS MAY COME also.

Maybe if you've only seen three movies in your entire life, SEVEN PSYCHOPATHS will come off as original and clever, but as a grumpy old coot that's seen a lot of goddamn movies (example: the Vietnamese psycho's story reminded me of a 8-minute Australian horror short film I saw back in the early 1990's.) SEVEN PSYCHOPATHS started out promising enough for the first few minutes, but by the halfway point I was beginning to daydream hard.

Mild violence, lots of talking, miscasting, mild nudity, Shiner Bock beer, gangster with big shiny gun and old Cadillac convertible, more talking.  Worth a watch, I guess.  Or not.

THE HUNGER GAMES (2012)

I don't know if they'd be considered great literature or not, but the Hunger Games novels were fucking awesome. I read all three in less than a week and part 2 in pretty much one sitting. I couldn't put it down!

The story is set in a future post-America North American country called Panem (yes, it's based on "bread and circuses"). The country is divided into twelve districts (Thirteen was destroyed as an example against rebellion). Here's a rundown of the districts, but let's just save time and say One is the Capital and where all the politicians and ultra-rich live and the other districts are less fortunate. District Twelve, where our young hero Katniss lives, is a dirt poor mining area. She lives in The Seam which is pretty much just shacks surrounded by an electric fence that doesn't work. After her father was killed in a mining accident, her mother mentally checked out and Katniss becomes the sole breadwinner and responsible for raising her little sister, Prim. To do so, she hunts in the woods which are off limits.

Each year, as a soul-crushing reminder, the Capital puts on The Hunger Games. I won't go into all the rules, but two children (one male, one female) from each district are chosen at random to go into a massive arena and fight to the death. Yes, that sounds a lot like BATTLE ROYALE, but BATTLE ROYALE was underwhelming, so who cares? Anyway, shit happens and Katniss ends up in The Hunger Games and it's...alright. The book was great, but the film lacked that emotional element that really made the novel so addictive. Also...the lack of Gale (and other stuff back in The Seam), the relocation of the rooftop scene, the Cinna character was weakened, the changed origin of the mockingjay pin, the pussification of the wolf mutts, the altering of the Rue scene and the reduction of violence hurt the film. I enjoyed it and time flew by, but it wasn't as awesome as it could have been.

My recommendation: devour the first two books, read the third and tolerate that weak ass ending then watch the movie. Here's hoping the second movie is rated R and awesome as fuck. That novel was so action-pack and rad I was twerking around my crib while reading it.

Part 2 - The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013)
Part 3 - The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 1 (2014)
Part 4 - The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 2 (2015)