VIDEODROME (1983)

James Woods is the president of a small television station in Toronto.  He's always looking for something fresh and exciting to feature on his station.  The 24-hour marathons of MAC AND ME just ain't bringing in the ratings anymore, so he starts exploring around using a modded satellite dish that can pick up crap from all over the world.  His latest discovery is a show called "Videodrome" which isn't really a show, but just random people being tortured in an orange room.  Woods become obsessed with Videodrome.  Things go downhill from there...especially when he grows a Betamax player in his stomach.

VIDEODROME is a weird movie.  I remember enjoying it back in the 1980's, but watching it now for this review, it's dated as fook and tame.  A single episode of "Rick and Morty" is way more bizarre.  It's still an interesting ride from a historical perspective.

Opening act that starts out legitimately creepy, dated special effects that still look cool, good acting, medium pace, jumbled up story that doesn't go anywhere, disappointing ending.  VIDEODROME is worth watching, but it's nothing to get excited about.  I would love to see a fucked up remake.  That'd be awesome!

BOOTY CALL (1997)

Rushon and his girlfriend, Nikki, set her best friend, Lysterine, and his best friend, Bunz, up on a blind / double date. Problem is she’s all fancy and likes to eat lobster tail and shit, while he’s just a busta ass hood rat with “tarantula hair”. Being good sports, they go along on the double date with only a minor amount of screaming and name-calling, but that all changes with some aptly timed toe licking. Now they’re off to the Fuck Olympics! Yeah, boi!!! That is, until Nikki’s dog gnaws on Rushon’s one and only condom. The Fuck Olympics have been postponed and now Bunz and Rushon (and their sad boners) have to go walking around Chinatown in the middle of the night looking for some jimmy hats.

BOOTY CALL is a good movie. It’s dated as fook, but in an endearing way. The humor (especially the physical stuff) is still golden. I was dying when that dog started licking Bunz’ butthole and he said he was “cramping up”. Goddamn, that entire scene was classic.

Quick pace, lots of great quotes, memorable characters, zero nudity, impressive supporting cast, a couple of un-PC jokes that are better left in the past, maybe a nod to MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL(?). 

BOOTY CALL is definitely rough around the edges, but in the right state of mind, it can be an entertaining time-waster. Recommended for sure. I’d love to see a Part 2!

SHORT CIRCUIT (1986)

"Number 5 is alive!"

True story: Did you know, that in the original script for Short Circuit, Johnny 5 had the line "Stephanie, do not disassemble my cock ring!"?  Yeah, that's not even remotely true.  I just made that up.

An American robotic laboratory is working on making robots for the military.  As the film opens, we see some of the prototype robots being used in a live demonstration for the military.  Blowing up vehicles with lasers and stuff like that.  Afterward, as the five robots are being moved back into the lab, a lightning bolt strikes one of the robots and brings him to life.  Kinda like Frankenstein's monster.  But instead of tossing a kid in a lake, Number 5 goes on a sightseeing adventure.  He eventually falls off a bridge and into the life of the free-spirited, Stephanie (Ally Sheedy).  Stephanie originally thinks that Number 5 is an alien, so she's more than happy to tell him all about life on Earth.  Number 5 loves all of this "input" and quickly becomes an expert on stuff like imitating The Three Stooges, making a huge mess while trying to to cook breakfast, disco dancing and falling off the porch.  At the same time, while Number 5 is busy perfecting his George Raft impersonation, the people from the robotics lab are frantically looking for him...so they can kill him!

SHORT CIRCUIT isn't an all-time 1980's family classic like THE PRINCESS BRIDE, LABYRINTH or BACK TO THE FUTURE, but it's still a fun ride.  The entire story is super silly, the pace moves along quickly enough and the old 80's tech is fun to check out.  Definitely worth a watch for anybody interested in 1980's Cinema.  Recommended. 

This is not part of the review, but I am curious what would have happened, if instead of Stephanie being a normal human being, she was some kind of deviant with nothing but old worn out Hustler magazines laying around instead of encyclopedias.  Johnny 5 would have ended up a goddamn freak!!!  He'd be saying all kinds of nasty shit that don't even make sense and the last word of each sentence would be really, really loud and high-pitched: "Stephanie, you have a big ol' cock I like to kiss, you...BITCH!!!"; "Suck my mechanical dick, Newton Crosby, you...WHORE!!!";  "Stephanie, eat my metal butthole, you...SLUT!!!";  "Newton Crosby, your pussy smells like the floor of a shrimp...BOAT!!!"; "Who da fuck doest thou think thou...ART!!!"; "Somebody please tongue-punch me in my brown...HOLE!!!" "I'm a sailor with the sea air in my...PUSS!!!"  You know, stuff like that.

Part 2 - Short Circuit 2 (1988)