SHOOT TO KILL (1988)

"Every damn day."

A unidentified murderer with 2 pounds of stolen diamonds is on the run. He's headed to Canada (through Washington), but when the road is blocked by coppers, he goes off road, kills a man and takes his place in a guided hiking/fishing trip that just happens to headed near the United States/Canadian border.  Unbeknownst to the murderer, the FBI is hot on his trail.  They don't know the guys identity (meaning they can't go crashing in on the fishing party and risk having him slaughter everybody), so instead, they send in 61-year-old city slicker Sidney Poiter to go trampling through endless miles of harsh Washington wilderness in winter.  Also along for the ride is local guide Tom Berenger, who just happens to be the boyfriend of the guide (Kirstie Alley) on the fishing trip.

That sounds convoluted, but it makes more sense when you watch the film, which I recommend you do.  It's not a life changer or anything, but SHOOT TO KILL is a fun solid late 80's actioner that relies more on tension and character development than it does on punching people through windows and driving a motorcycle into a helicopter (hum...maybe I should go watch STONE COLD tonight!).

Good acting, just the correct amount of humor to be delightful and not irritating, a moose, steady pace, okay direction, beautiful scenery, excellent cast, abrupt ending, a bear, zero nudity, very little blood, zero gore, a piece of carrot cake for 95 cents, a dummies legs getting crunk after being thrown off a cliff, a horse giving the stinkeye.

There is definitely some things that could have been done to improve the film, but as it is, it's still a satisfying afternoon waster.  Recommended. Double-feature with THE RIVER WILD.

555 (1988)

"One doesn't come across decapitation and mutilation everyday."

Filmed for a budget that looks to be less than 555 dollars, 555 somehow managed to stumble through its 80 minute runtime and actually kept me entertained the whole way.  I mean, it's no ABOMINATION, but it did have a certain micro-budget charm to it that kept me smirking and shaking my handsome skull in disbelief.  For example, this heated exchange between a reporter and a homicide detective...Female reporter, "You're a prick, Conner.  You know that don't you?"  Male detective, "And you're a cunt!"  Hahaha...what?

Anyway, 555 opens with a couple being attacked mid-fuck on the beach.  The man's head is chopped off and the woman's dying/dead body raped.  That sounds much worse than what's actually shown, cause the only thing we really see is a topless woman screaming while somebody offscreen tosses a thick red liquid on her.  A passerby discovers the bodies and the cops, for no good reason, are hellbent on framing this guy for the murders.  It's completely overboard (and funny) how angry the main cop is.  Things change though when another couple is attacked the next night and then the next and so on.  You see...555 means every five years the mystery murderer strikes and kills two lovers for five nights in a row.  I'm not 100% sure how that equals 555, but whatever.

Steady pace, homemade sets that do their job, better than you would expect acting, multiple poorly shot topless scenes, out of control cops, nowhere near as much blood and gore as you would expect, corpse humping, head-scratching dialogue.  555 definitely isn't for everybody, but it is a fun trip down a lesser known path of movie history.