BOOTY CALL (1997)

Rushon and his girlfriend, Nikki, set her best friend, Lysterine, and his best friend, Bunz, up on a blind / double date. Problem is she’s all fancy and likes to eat lobster tail and shit, while he’s just a busta ass hood rat with “tarantula hair”. Being good sports, they go along on the double date with only a minor amount of screaming and name-calling, but that all changes with some aptly timed toe licking. Now they’re off to the Fuck Olympics! Yeah, boi!!! That is, until Nikki’s dog gnaws on Rushon’s one and only condom. The Fuck Olympics have been postponed and now Bunz and Rushon (and their sad boners) have to go walking around Chinatown in the middle of the night looking for some jimmy hats.

BOOTY CALL is a good movie. It’s dated as fook, but in an endearing way. The humor (especially the physical stuff) is still golden. I was dying when that dog started licking Bunz’ butthole and he said he was “cramping up”. Goddamn, that entire scene was classic.

Quick pace, lots of great quotes, memorable characters, zero nudity, impressive supporting cast, a couple of un-PC jokes that are better left in the past, maybe a nod to MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL(?). 

BOOTY CALL is definitely rough around the edges, but in the right state of mind, it can be an entertaining time-waster. Recommended for sure. I’d love to see a Part 2!

SHORT CIRCUIT (1986)

"Number 5 is alive!"

True story: Did you know, that in the original script for Short Circuit, Johnny 5 had the line "Stephanie, do not disassemble my cock ring!"?  Yeah, that's not even remotely true.  I just made that up.

An American robotic laboratory is working on making robots for the military.  As the film opens, we see some of the prototype robots being used in a live demonstration for the military.  Blowing up vehicles with lasers and stuff like that.  Afterward, as the five robots are being moved back into the lab, a lightning bolt strikes one of the robots and brings him to life.  Kinda like Frankenstein's monster.  But instead of tossing a kid in a lake, Number 5 goes on a sightseeing adventure.  He eventually falls off a bridge and into the life of the free-spirited, Stephanie (Ally Sheedy).  Stephanie originally thinks that Number 5 is an alien, so she's more than happy to tell him all about life on Earth.  Number 5 loves all of this "input" and quickly becomes an expert on stuff like imitating The Three Stooges, making a huge mess while trying to to cook breakfast, disco dancing and falling off the porch.  At the same time, while Number 5 is busy perfecting his George Raft impersonation, the people from the robotics lab are frantically looking for him...so they can kill him!

SHORT CIRCUIT isn't an all-time 1980's family classic like THE PRINCESS BRIDE, LABYRINTH or BACK TO THE FUTURE, but it's still a fun ride.  The entire story is super silly, the pace moves along quickly enough and the old 80's tech is fun to check out.  Definitely worth a watch for anybody interested in 1980's Cinema.  Recommended. 

This is not part of the review, but I am curious what would have happened, if instead of Stephanie being a normal human being, she was some kind of deviant with nothing but old worn out Hustler magazines laying around instead of encyclopedias.  Johnny 5 would have ended up a goddamn freak!!!  He'd be saying all kinds of nasty shit that don't even make sense and the last word of each sentence would be really, really loud and high-pitched: "Stephanie, you have a big ol' cock I like to kiss, you...BITCH!!!"; "Suck my mechanical dick, Newton Crosby, you...WHORE!!!";  "Stephanie, eat my metal butthole, you...SLUT!!!";  "Newton Crosby, your pussy smells like the floor of a shrimp...BOAT!!!"; "Who da fuck doest thou think thou...ART!!!"; "Somebody please tongue-punch me in my brown...HOLE!!!" "I'm a sailor with the sea air in my...PUSS!!!"  You know, stuff like that.

Part 2 - Short Circuit 2 (1988)

MEN IN BLACK (1997)

"We're not hosting an intergalactic kegger."

One fine evening, NYPD officer Will Smith is out chasing some busta all over the place.  Jumping off a bridge, hardcore parkouring off a Central Park wall, climbing and running all over the Guggenheim Museum...but then, when he corners the busta, the dude has sideways eyelids!  That shit ain't right.  Ends up the dude is an alien from outer space and Will Smith soon finds himself to be the newest recruit of the super secretive Men in Black agency.  Which seems like a very sexist name for an agency, but whatever.  The job of the MIB is to protect the Earth from extraterrestrial threats and to regulate the aliens that are currently already here.

Old timer agent Tommy Lee Jones is tasked to show Will Smith the ropes.  Their first case is to track down a large illegal alien insect who recently landed in upstate New York and ate the insides of farmer Vincent D'Onofrio and is now walking around in his skin.  That's just nasty and kinda awesome, cause D'Onofrio does an amazing job of looking creepy as fook!  Ends up, insect D'Onofrio is looking for a small but powerful energy device called "The Galaxy" and will stop at nothing to find it.  Even if it means blowing up the entire planet.  Yikes!

MEN IN BLACK is an entertaining time-waster.  Good acting, interesting story that could have been a little bit darker, solid supporting cast, zero tension, dated special effects that still look okay, a cute dog, a cute cat, some not so cute roaches, an extremely depressing bit of dialogue, a Misfits t-shirt and, for whatever reason, the 98 minute runtime seems to go by very fast!  I honestly thought there was like another 20 minutes or so coming when the movie just...ended.  Recommended.

Part 2 - Men in Black II (2002)
Part 3 - Men in Black 3 (2012)
Part 4 - Men in Black: International (2019)