BOOTY CALL (1997)

Rushon and his girlfriend, Nikki, set her best friend, Lysterine, and his best friend, Bunz, up on a blind / double date. Problem is she’s all fancy and likes to eat lobster tail and shit, while he’s just a busta ass hood rat with “tarantula hair”. Being good sports, they go along on the double date with only a minor amount of screaming and name-calling, but that all changes with some aptly timed toe licking. Now they’re off to the Fuck Olympics! Yeah, boi!!! That is, until Nikki’s dog gnaws on Rushon’s one and only condom. The Fuck Olympics have been postponed and now Bunz and Rushon (and their sad boners) have to go walking around Chinatown in the middle of the night looking for some jimmy hats.

BOOTY CALL is a good movie. It’s dated as fook, but in an endearing way. The humor (especially the physical stuff) is still golden. I was dying when that dog started licking Bunz’ butthole and he said he was “cramping up”. Goddamn, that entire scene was classic.

Quick pace, lots of great quotes, memorable characters, zero nudity, impressive supporting cast, a couple of un-PC jokes that are better left in the past, maybe a nod to MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL(?). 

BOOTY CALL is definitely rough around the edges, but in the right state of mind, it can be an entertaining time-waster. Recommended for sure. I’d love to see a Part 2!

PARIS IS BURNING (1990)

"...you're black and you're male and you're gay.  You're gonna have a hard fuckin' time.  If you're gonna do this, you're gonna have to be stronger than you ever imagined."

Filmed in New York City in the latter part of the 1980's, PARIS IS BURNING gives a small, but fascinating look into the NYC "ball culture".  Balls are (from what the film told me) a mix of dance, posing, performance, modeling, etc. where participants (mainly African-American and Latin American members of the LGBTQ community) get up in front the audience and strut their stuff like a motherfucker!!!  I mean work that shit!  It's dope.  I wish I knew how to move like that.  It'd be awesome!  Strutting around, pointing at the cat, voguing all up in her smug face.  "Mmmm-hummmm!!!  What are you gonna do about it?!"

Anyway, PARIS IS BURNING focuses solely on one certain group location in NYC.  We're shown the events of a ball, explained the different categories, terminology and introduced to some of the main players who all have bad ass names like Pepper LaBeija, Danni Xtravaganza, Octavia St. Laurent and Willi Ninja.  There's so much going on, you really can't even take it all in in just one viewing.  I had to watch it twice and it was great both times.

One of the sadder things I noticed (besides the racism, homophobia, cruel parents and murder) was how a lot of the people being interviewed wanted to be somebody else.  Like a person they saw on television (Dynasty, which ran from 1981 until 1989, is mentioned a few times) or somebody that is wealthy.  It was sad.  I wish more people, not just the people in this film, but people in general, could be happier with being themselves.  Realize that it doesn't take money or material possessions to give you value.  You, yes, you reading this, if you possess virtues like honesty, empathy, integrity, civility, modesty...then you have value.  Fuck sports cars, fuck big TV's, fuck boats, fuck motorcycles, fuck a powerful job...honesty, compassion, acceptance.  That is where it is at.   

Try to leave the world a better place than how you found it. And, if you find somebody to love (and they love you back), love them every single day like it is your last, because one day it will be.

Wow.  I got way off subject.  Long story, short: PARIS IS BURNING is a great documentary.  Quick pace, uplifting story, delightful people, unique subject matter, GHOSTBUSTERS on TV.  The entire thing was like a really cool time capsule.  Highly recommended.

If you need me, I'll be in my room sad voguing to $uicideBoy$.

SHORT CIRCUIT (1986)

[Update 01/21/2025: Not a fan of this review. Screenshots suck and I didnt even mention G. W. Bailey. Will fix it when I get the time.]

"Number 5 is alive!"

True story: Did you know, that in the original script for Short Circuit, Johnny 5 had the line "Stephanie, do not disassemble my cock ring!"?  Yeah, that's not even remotely true.  I just made that up.

An American robotic laboratory is working on making robots for the military.  As the film opens, we see some of the prototype robots being used in a live demonstration for the military.  Blowing up vehicles with lasers and stuff like that.  Afterward, as the five robots are being moved back into the lab, a lightning bolt strikes one of the robots and brings him to life.  Kinda like Frankenstein's monster.  But instead of tossing a kid in a lake, Number 5 goes on a sightseeing adventure.  He eventually falls off a bridge and into the life of the free-spirited, Stephanie (Ally Sheedy).  Stephanie originally thinks that Number 5 is an alien, so she's more than happy to tell him all about life on Earth.  Number 5 loves all of this "input" and quickly becomes an expert on stuff like imitating The Three Stooges, making a huge mess while trying to to cook breakfast, disco dancing and falling off the porch.  At the same time, while Number 5 is busy perfecting his George Raft impersonation, the people from the robotics lab are frantically looking for him...so they can kill him!

SHORT CIRCUIT isn't an all-time 1980's family classic like THE PRINCESS BRIDE, LABYRINTH or BACK TO THE FUTURE, but it's still a fun ride.  The entire story is super silly, the pace moves along quickly enough and the old 80's tech is fun to check out.  Definitely worth a watch for anybody interested in 1980's Cinema.  Recommended. 

This is not part of the review, but I am curious what would have happened, if instead of Stephanie being a normal human being, she was some kind of deviant with nothing but old worn out Hustler magazines laying around instead of encyclopedias.  Johnny 5 would have ended up a goddamn freak!!!  He'd be saying all kinds of nasty shit that don't even make sense and the last word of each sentence would be really, really loud and high-pitched: "Stephanie, you have a big ol' cock I like to kiss, you...BITCH!!!"; "Suck my mechanical dick, Newton Crosby, you...WHORE!!!";  "Stephanie, eat my metal butthole, you...SLUT!!!";  "Newton Crosby, your pussy smells like the floor of a shrimp...BOAT!!!"; "Who da fuck doest thou think thou...ART!!!"; "Somebody please tongue-punch me in my brown...HOLE!!!" "I'm a sailor with the sea air in my...PUSS!!!"  You know, stuff like that.

Part 2 - Short Circuit 2 (1988)