EVEN HITLER HAD A GIRLFRIEND (1992)

Marcus Templeton is a total loser. He's fat, has a shitty job and he's really lonely. His mind gets soft from the boredom and even though he can barely get an erection, he's still obsessed with sex. At first, he just watches a lot of porn and calls phone sex lines, then he gets into call girls and secretly videotaping them...and that's really about it. I wish more had happened, especially with the storyline about local serial killer (who looks like Marcus), but after it's mentioned a few times early on it just disappears.

I'm not sure if this is suppose to be a dark comedy or not, if it is then it's really dry. Pretty much 100% of the movie is Marcus sitting around in his underwear thinking about sex and how shitty his life is...without actually doing anything to improve his situation. There is a humorous reoccurring joke about him seeing scumbags and inanimate objects with girlfriends: a movie about a telepathic brain with a female lover, some creepy film about a chick making out with a skeleton and, of course, a photo of Hitler with Eva.

Tons of topless chicks. If you can find a copy for cheap then it's worth checking out.   An interesting low-budget artifact from the early 90's.

Part 2 - The Hitler Tapes (1994)

TOO LATE FOR TEARS (1949)

[Update 5/19/2019: Just bought a better copy of this movie. Going to delete the shitty screenshots below and redo this entire review soon.]

Lizabeth Scott is a mean, heartless bitch that you don't want to cross. One evening while out driving with her husband she decides she doesn't want to go to dinner with friends after all, so she yanks the key out of the ignition and during the ensuing struggle the headlights flash on and off. As fate would have it there's a guy waiting for a car to signal him by flashing on his lights. The mysterious guy quickly drives past and tosses a bag in their back seat. They look and it 60 grand in unmarked bills! Being a cold-hearted, venom-spitting witch, she wants to keep the money, but her husband is a square and he wants to turn the money in. But she ain't going to let that happen, even if she has to kill everybody who gets in her way!

TLFT was obviously filmed on a very low budget, but the story is strong enough and the cast is talented enough to make it work. I especially liked Arthur Kennedy who did a lot with such a small role; Dan Duryea is great, as always, and even gets off a few funny lines. It's not going to be the best noir you've ever seen or even really that original (certain scenes and story elements reminded me of 1944's DOUBLE INDEMNITY), but it's worth a watch.

20TH CENTURY BOYS 1: BEGINNING OF THE END (2008)

Hmmm. Well, based on that wacky font and crazy looking guy on the DVD cover and knowing that this was based on a manga I was expecting this to be some exciting over the top shit, instead it was pretty slow with a shitload of talking. Maybe Part 2 (if I ever dig up the desire to watch it) will be better.

Kenji works at a convenience store and leads a pretty empty life until he and a few of his childhood friends start to notice that the bad terrorist shit that's happening recently around the world is exactly like a "Book of Prophecy" that they wrote when they were in elementary school. The police are in league with the cult that's carrying out the attacks so it's up to them to save the world. That's an awesome idea for a movie, but I really disliked the overly complicated way the story is told. Also the entire thing looked low budget like a made-for-TV movie.

Worth watching, I guess, but it disappointed me and really doubt I'll ever care enough to watch the next two installments.

There was one great scene: the finger snap scene. I have absolutely zero idea what was going on, but it was fucking fantastic! Reminded me of some of the best moments of David Lynch.

Part 2 - 20th Century Boys 2: The Last Hope (2009)
Part 3 - 20th Century Boys 3: Redemption (2009)

KILLER WORKOUT (1986)

[Update 10/26/2021: Need to redo this review completely.]

One year before director/writer David A. Prior cured terminal butt cancer with DEADLY PREY he created maybe the first slasher movie set in a gym. I could be completely wrong, but I think I'm right. So, anyway the members at Rhonda's Workout are dropping like flies, but that can't stop the aerobic workout class! You have a stabbing in a shower (with no visible wounds), a skull stabbing in a car, face gouging in a back alley, a dumbbell to the skull, all the standard slasher stuff but done very low budget. Sadly the killer has no personality or style. So the highlight of the movie ended up being the 80's fashion and the stiff acting.

If you're into slashers then it's worth checking, but everybody else will probably only find it good for the laughs.

SALO, OR THE 120 DAYS OF SODOM (1975)

"Nothing is more contagious than evil."

For what it is SALO is a well made film and you will never get bored.  You might get sick to your stomach and puke all over yourself, but you'll never get bored.

I'm not a film scholar, but from what I can tell director/writer Pier Paolo Pasolini was trying to give a very damning condemnation of Fascism in Italy during WWII by showing four wealthy and powerful men kidnapping a group of teenage boys and girls then torturing, raping and destroying them (both physically and mentally) for 120 days then finally slaughtering the ones who survived in a disgusting orgy of blood and perversion. The final scene with the two young guards dancing during the bloodbath, I think, represents the desensitization of the mass population to the Hell all around them.

And that's pretty much the story. The rich men have their people (and soldiers) kidnap a large group of children. The four men then interview them and select the unlucky 18. They're moved to a large country estate where they start our with a little lightweight raping and molesting and then graduate into deeper realms of torture and abhorrent behavior. Everything you don't want to imagine happens, from eating shit and bathing in shit and piss to having your sexual organs burned off with a candle.

My biggest complaint about the film is it should have been at least 3 hours longer and even darker. I don't think Pasolini even came close to relaying to the audience the absolute depth of depression and hopelessness that happens to a person when they are faced with a Hellish situation like this with zero hope of being saved. Even with that complaint you should watch it.

SALO is not to everyone's taste, but  I still think everyone should see it just to remember what can happen with the abuse of political power.

NSFW pictures