Friday, April 2, 2010

DEADLY PREY (1987)

HOOOOOOOOOOLY FUCK!!!! I've heard some wild shit about this movie everything from "it'll kick your balls up around your faggot ears" to "it soars like an eagle made of cheese", but both of those are understatements! DEADLY PREY cures cancer!!! You heard me right! Moments before I sat down to watch DEADLY PREY I had a slight cough that I diagnosed as terminal butt cancer. I watched the movie and now I feel fine! I'm completely cured!!! Oh thank you Danton...DAAAAAAANNNNNTTTTTOOOOOOONNNNNNN!!!!

A renegade group of mercenaries kidnap innocent people off the street and as a training exercise they hunt them down and kill them. But today they fucked up. They kidnapped Danton...DAAAAAAANNNNNTTTTTOOOOOOONNNNNNN!!!! It's like if a gang of Wall-E's kidnapped the fucking Terminator and tried to hunt him. The. entire. fucking. movie. is this guy Danton...DAAAAAAANNNNNTTTTTOOOOOOONNNNNNN!!!! killing everybody nonstop. That's it. I'm not exaggerating, by the end of the movie everybody's dead but him! Hahahahaha.

This movie is rad as fuck. It's like the world's most retarded retard took his biggest, baddest Big Chief pencil and wrote the most cliche-filled, stupid Rambo fan fiction and then right before he died of terminal butt cancer all of his retard friends used the script to make a movie from it. It's wonderful.

If you're looking for a good movie to watch with your drunk friends. This is the one. Make sure to bring your rape whistle though cause DEADLY PREY is going to fuck you up...the butt*!

*Warning: getting raped up the butt by this movie may cause cancer.