Tuesday, March 15, 2011

TREMORS 2: AFTERSHOCKS (1996)

Good news: the Graboids are back! Bad news: they only brought along a budget of $4M (the original, 6 years earlier was $11M) and Kevin Bacon is nowhere to be found.  That sucks.

An oil company down in Mexico has a Graboid problem, so they hire Burt Ward, Michael Gross and their new dingleberry assistant/ Andrew Dice Clay impersonator Grady to hunt them down. Thanks to a bunch of heavy firepower, things start off promising enough, but then the worms start mutating into a smaller and more agile land walker that looks like a Chicken McNugget with legs.  After that, things kinda just meander off. Also, the new Graboid mutation don't hunt by vibration, instead they use a heat sensor (much like Predator).

Fun movie, but nothing stands out as being particularly badass. It would have been more fun with a bigger budget, zero crew sightings (instead of, at least, three!), a completely different script and Kevin Bacon still onboard, but you can't have everything. So instead, let's just enjoy it for what it is and be thankful they made a sequel that didn't piss all over the original.

Part 6 - Tremors: A Cold Day in Hell (2018)
Part 7 - Tremors: Shrieker Island (2020)
 

CRISIS (1946)

[Update 03/15/2022: Deleting review. Need to rewatch this film and redo this review completely. Fix the screenshots also.]




















Sunday, March 13, 2011

MONSTERS (2010)

A woman and a man journey on foot from Mexico through the "Infected Zone" to America. "What's the Infected Zone?", you ask. Well, that's where these aliens who look like giant octopuses made out of Christmas lights landed 6 years ago and now they stroll around doing...well, uh, well I actually have no idea what they do, because even though I watched this entire movie, the space octopuses were only onscreen for a few minutes and they just stood there doing nothing.

Outside of cheating gullible suckers out of their money, what is the point of this movie?! I love alien invasion movies and giant monster movies, so I was stoked about watching it, but all it ended up being was these two dorks just walking around. The End.

Skip this clunker with a vengeance. If you need me I'll be in my room watching STARSHIP TROOPERS while performing a Flip 6 3 Hole.

Part 2 - Monsters: Dark Continent (2014)