THE FLY (1986)

"Be afraid. Be very afraid."

Super smart Jeff Goldblum is a loner scientist who secretly creates a working matter transporter. It works fine on inanimate objects and even smaller animals, but he's never tried it on a human. One night after getting all butthurt over his girlfriend, he strips down completely asshole naked and successfully transports himself...and a house fly that accidentally got inside the pod. That's probably why you should put your matter transporter in a Class 1 clean room and not your poorly lit loft.

Even worse is the computer controlling the transporter is so stupid that instead of Goldblum simply absorbing the fly it...genetically splices his DNA and the fly's. Stupid computer! At first, he doesn't realize what's happening and thinks that his new found super strength and ability to hop all around the place like a acrobat is just a positive benefit of being recreated in the transporter. Soon though he starts to think differently, like when he has to vomit acid on his food before slurping it up and when his ears fall off. Throughout all of this, the world's most dedicated girlfriend sticks by him and tries to help him, but he turns into a complete asshole and she eventually bails. He's not happy about that.

For 1986 the special effects are very impressive, especially the slow Goldblum/fly transformation.  That fly looked dope as fuck! The story though...it's a little bit too simplistic.  I'm not sure what else I wanted, but just more.  I really really liked the middle of the film when Goldblum was first starting to transform and going out on the town and acting like an asshole.  I definitely wish that section was longer.  As it is though, THE FLY is a great remake and 100% worth watching.  Steady pace, fantastic special effects, a Slayer jacket, a Motorhead jacket, weaponized vomit, extremely brief nudity, solid acting, David Cronenberg sighting, Mel Brooks as an uncredited Producer, the two main characters both saying "Cheeseburger." while flashing their fingers outward.

Even though this version was an updated remake of the 1958 original I'd like to see yet another remake / reboot that takes the story even further!

Original - The Fly (1958)
Original Part 2 - Return of the Fly (1959)
Original Part 3 - Curse of the Fly (1965)
Part 2 - The Fly II (1989)

BALLS OUT: GARY THE TENNIS COACH (2009)

Ehh.  Mildly (very mildly) entertaining story about Steve Stifler as a janitor/assistant tennis coach at a small high school in Nebraska. Stifler spends about 3% of his time coaching and the rest of his time running around naked, shitting all over the place, puking all over the place, getting pegged by a hooker with a strap-on, talking about condoms with an underage girl, having bizarre visions, threatening children and cussing nonstop.

For a low-budget, vulgarity-based comedy BALLS OUT is alright.  It almost seems like the filmmakers started out with a list of nasty shit and then wrote the story around the list.  The main laughs were from really crude stuff instead of talented writing, so after the initial shock I doubt you would ever laugh at the same joke again.

Some people might think it sucks (and they'd be right), but for a lightweight time-waster you can definitely do worse.  I cannot imagine ever wanting to watch it ever again.

RED ROAD (2006)

[Update 03/09/2021: Need to redo this review completely. Fix the screenshots also.]

Jackie works as a street security camera operator. She spends her working hours looking over and protecting the people in her area. She seems happy enough, but there is a cloud of sadness hanging over her that the viewer can't quite figure out. Then one evening she sees a man on her screen and she's obviously shaken. She soon become obsessed with watching him all the time...even when she's not at work. She steals security tapes from work to watch at home and even starts trailing him in real life. How far will she go and what exactly is her obsession with this man?

If you're familiar with writer/director Andrea Arnold's work you know what you're going to get: a strong story, well-constructed characters and beautiful, naturalistic camerawork. RED ROAD is a good film, but compared to Andrea's masterpiece FISH TANK or even her short film WASP, it's kinda slow. I liked the movie and recommend watching it, but the pace dragged a few times and I wish there had been a more heightened sense of tension concerning the mystery character.

I honestly think this would have made a better short film, say around 45 minutes or so.