CHILDREN OF MEN (2006)

In the year 2027, the world has been stricken with two horrible afflictions.  In the first, all women have become infertile.  Without a baby being born in 18 years humans have lost all hope and everything has turned into chaos.  The second even more disastrous problem is cameras can no longer stand still.  They have to move all the time.  Even when it's not an action shot and it's just two people standing still talking about something serious, the camera is compelled to jiggle around all over the joint.  It's distracting, heartbreaking and sad, sad, sad.

For some reason the people in this movie don't even seem concerned about the punch drunk cameras.  Instead they selfishly spend all of their time trying to get a recently discovered pregnant woman to safety.  That's a lot harder than it sounds because Britain (where the film is located) is now the only functioning government left in the world, but just barely.  For the most part the entire country has turned into a George Orwell police state nightmare.  Former activist Clive Owen is recruited against his will by his ex-wife (Julianne Moore) into helping a young girl get to the "Human Project", another activist group that is rumored to have scientists specializing in infertility.  Stuff happens and next thing Owen knows he's in the thick of it with people from all sides trying to kill him.

I enjoyed CHILDREN OF MEN.  The story is interesting, the pace is good and some of the action sequences were impressively filmed.  But that goddamn camera was too much for me.  Purposely raw documentary style camerawork is okay for short periods of time.  When Takashi Miike used it briefly in 2003's YAKUZA DEMON with the rain splattering on the camera lens is was awesome (also his budget was probably 1/60th of what they used here), but in CHILDREN OF MEN the entire movie is filmed that way and it gets old quick.  I'm sure some people enjoy it and praise how it transports the viewer into the disorder of the the film, but to me it was just distracting.   After awhile I found myself paying more attention to the corners of the screen than the action on the screen.

Worth a watch, but I wish the story had been introduced a little better at the beginning, the overall story darker and the camerawork steadier.  Seeing Michael Caine playing air guitar to a bastardized version of Aphex Twin's "Omgyjya Switch 7" was pretty funny though.

INVASION U.S.A. (1985)

Ain't no shitty CGI up in this bitch. Chuck Norris don't need no shitty CGI to kick an entire army of commie terrorist asses. Fuck no. Chuck Norris is a retired badass living in the swamp with his pet armadillo just minding his own business. Then the stupid idiot terrorists have to come and blow up his house and kill his buddy (not the armadillo)...now he's pissed. For the rest of the movie, it's nonstop Chuck being one move ahead of the terrorists and kicking their nuts to and fro. Put a bomb on a school bus?  Chuck'll attach it to your car. Put a bomb in a church?  Chuck'll blow you up instead. Prowling around popping people in the pecker with a pistol?  Chuck'll shoot you in the ping ding with a rocket launcher.

In the mid-80's Chuck had a whole string of fun action movies, but I think INVASION is my favorite only because it's so damn silly. The terrorists, for whatever reason, actually use amphibious landing craft to land on the beach (where were they coming from?!  Cuba?), then just start bombing and shooting everything in sight in an attempt to cause anarchy. Chuck miraculously shows up out of nowhere and instantly starts killing bad guys. It's awesome!!!  Action audiences aren't worrying about a story, we just want to see shit blow the fuck up and INVASION U.S.A. delivers. Some modern day action movies could learn a thing or two from this movie. One of my favorite things is a lot of people have rocket or grenade launchers and they never reload.  They just shoot the thing like it has infinite ammo.

Tons of action, lots of explosions, impressive stunts, very little story, no CGI, goofy one-liners, Richard Lynch in a great bad guy role, fist fights, Billy Drago getting shot in the dick, impressive car stunts, shit talking, a kick to the face, a knife through a hand, a few hard to see tits, a baby armadillo that's really cute, Chuck Norris in full beard and unbuttoned shirt.

If you haven't seen this movie, then you're not a real American. I'm surprised Michael Bay hasn't remade this movie yet.

Chuck Norris driving down Walker St....whoa.