THE PERILS OF GWENDOLINE IN THE LAND OF THE YIK YAK (1984)

Loosely (I'm guessing) based on the "Sweet Gwendoline" comic character of the late 1940's and modified to fit with the popularity of the Indiana Jones/ROMANCING THE STONE-style films of the 1980's, THE PERILS OF GWENDOLINE IN THE LAND OF THE YIK YAK is the story of a woman who ran off to China in search of her missing father.  There's also something about a mysterious butterfly, but none of that matters.  The only thing that matters is when the three main characters (an average-looking woman, a dude and the unbelievably sexy - in an 80's kind of way - Tawny Kitaen) arrive at the all-female society.  Everything before that is just filler.  Once they get to the all-female society though, it's wall-to-wall topless women, bondage gear and Tawny Kitaen topless...a lot.  Fuuuuck yeah!!!

Outside of Tawny Kitaen topless, I can't really recommend TPOGITLOTYY.  The humor is so bad that I didn't even realize that it was a comedy until I watched the extras and the director said it was a comedy(!!!), sets that look just like sets, uninspired camerawork, overacting by everybody, pointless story that has zero emotional attachment, tons of (poorly filmed) topless women, zero erotic moments, zero good action scenes and a fake as fuck looking alligator.

That said, Tawny is still hot as fook!

DANGEROUS MEN (2005)

"There's nothing I'd rather see than your balls wrapped around your tonsils."

Ehhh, I ain't feeling this shit.  While I do love good bad action movies like DEADLY PREY or  NINJA III: THE DOMINATION, DANGEROUS MEN wasn't cheesy enough to be good bad and it wasn't bad enough to be good bad...it was just plain bad.

Rumored to have taken around 20 years to complete, DANGEROUS MEN is the horribly told story of a woman, Mina, who is attacked on the beach by two bikers.  The bad guys kill her fiancee.  She leaves with one of the bad guys and then begins a MS. 45-style life of killing random men that may (or may not) be sexual predators.  Now remember, this is all told with the filmmaking skills of a middle schooler.  At the same time, the fiancees brother (who's a police officer) is looking for Mina.  He follows and beats up a would-be rapist on the beach.  He later beats up and kidnaps the same dude and forces him to take him to somebody named Black Pepper.  What the hell?  Where already an hour into the movie!  Who the hell is Black Pepper?!  Anyway, so the detective confronts Black Pepper and gets beat up.  Black Pepper runs off, only to attack a blind woman.  As he's assaulting the blind woman, an elderly cop runs up and points a gun at Black Pepper.  The End.

As a teenager, I enjoyed the novels of Harry Stephen Keeler.  The story in DANGEROUS MEN kinda reminds me of Keeler's bizarre storytelling style...except that Keeler was entertaining and this movie is just dumb.  Pointless story, acting that can't even be properly defined as "acting", fight scenes that are simply people pointing body parts at each other, ear-destroyingly terrible music that sounds like an child smashing keys on a keyboard, poor lighting, non-existent camerawork, a guy reading from the script that's sitting on his desk with his lines highlighted, long scenes that served zero purpose, unwanted nudity, a bizarre knee fetish, a naked woman hiding a knife in her buttcrack.

I can see why some people love this film and openly praise it's bad qualities, but, to me, it was just too amateurish, slow-paced and the confusing outweighed the crazy.  Worth a watch for bad movie fans, but honestly it's not that bad.