Wednesday, August 10, 2011

THE STAND (1994)

M-O-O-N that spells...A man-made "superflu" virus escapes from a military base and before you can say Constant Reader it's started spreading across the country killing everybody. After the initial clusterfuck a handful of survivors around the country start hearing messages in their dreams. Either a good message from some Jesus-loving Prophet bitch in Nebraska or a bad message from the evil ass Randall Flagg in Las Vegas. Eventually the two armies gather and a party of four men are sent to Las Vegas to make a stand.

I really enjoy reading Stephen King books, but one thing that always drives me nuts is his reliance on the supernatural and aliens. It's pretty easy to write a story when if you ever write yourself into a corner you can just have God or a ghost or an alien fix things for you. "The Stand" is a very good example of this. "Desperation" is another...and I'm not even going to start talking about "Under the Dome". Strange thing is I still like "The Stand". At least the story idea and the outbreak part, but then when the Prophet bitch shows up and starts all her psychic Godlove bullshit I checked the fuck out.

But we're not here to talk about the book, we're here to discuss the movie...the extremely toned down, made-for-network-TV movie. With that in mind, it's passable and that's about it. Huge tracts of story are removed and for some unknown reason other portions of the book are just completely changed. A list of the alterations can be found here. The most painful to me was the toning down of Harold's jealousy and the complete removal of The Kid and the tornado. Another thing I found extremely confusing was Rita was completely missing and her character was replaced by Nadine but not really. It was fucked...I was also upset with some of the casting. The guy who played Randall was completely wrong. David Warner from TIME BANDITS would have been perfect.

If you're a fan of the book, then you'll most likely want to see the miniseries, but I found the whole thing watered-down and almost painful to get through all 359 minutes of it. If I live to be 900,000 years old I doubt I'll ever watch this movie again. I suggest that you spend that 359 minutes and instead start reading an post-apocalyptic novel that blows "The Stand" out of the water: Robert McCammon's "Swan Song".

A good drinking game though would be to drink every time somebody mentions God. You'll be passed out in your own feces by the third segment.

Hahaha! What the fuck?! That's the dumbest shit ever.