Sunday, April 22, 2012

BUG (1975)

A earthquake in a small desert town releases a bunch of nasty-looking bugs that've been trapped way down in the Earth for god only knows how long. The bugs don't take over the town KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS-style or grow really big EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS-style. No, they're pretty happy just standing around doing pretty much nothing. You can pick 'em up and touch them. If you pester them too much they might spit out some fire at you, but that's about it. To make matters even more non-threatening, around the 56 minute mark all of the bugs, except one, die off due to atmospheric pressure.

As Fate would have it, the last bug is captured by a professor (Bradford Dillman with a beard) who keeps the bug alive in a pressurized chamber.  He even goes so far as to breed the bug with a roach. The bug has some freaky babies and those babies have even freakier babies. Oh yeah, the professor isn't doing this in a lab, but in a goddamn shack out in the middle of the desert. Being an idiot, the professor handles the bugs barehanded and never secures their cage properly, so they're constantly getting out and even pass the time by writing him messages on the wall. Unfortunately none of the messages say anything like "Hey, do something entertaining!" because the last 40 minutes of this movie is pure torture. Nothing happens. The guy talks into a microphone, the bugs crawl around...repeat that same scenario over and over until the stupid ending that made absolutely zero sense.

How was this movie even made? Did nobody during the making of this film once say "You know what? There's nothing going on in this movie! Why would anybody want to see it? Maybe we should put something in it."? Obviously not. It blows my mind that not only could somebody write a script this terrible and not die of shame but then be able to find people willing to put money into it!!! How does this even happen?!

I'm tired of talking about it. Let's just get on with our lives and forget this ever happened.