Saturday, August 11, 2012

THE CORE (2003)

One day freaky accidents start happening. Pacemakers quit working, the guidance system on the Space Shuttles shits itself, bird get all dwanky and wreck into a bus, lightning storms, human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together...mass hysteria! Scientists determine that the Earth's core has stopped coring so a group of dorks are gonna have to drive their laser drill RV down to the bottom of the planet and give that bitch a nuclear kick in the ass. Sounds reasonable enough.

If you're looking for a serious film then it's Bad News Bears for you, but if you're looking for something cheesy as fook to laugh at then THE CORE is a safe bet. It's not a cheeseball home run like ARMAGEDDON, but it's pretty goddamn horrible. I especially liked the hacker dude talking about his "kung fu" and him hacking the planet. My one big complaint (outside of the story being dumb as Hell) is there's no hot chicks on the rescue crew. It was a total sausagefest. They should have at least given us one hot chick to look at. C'mon!

Dated special effects, nearly all male cast, goofy science, Xena tapes, Hot Pockets, multiple misspelled words, people being thrust forward during a free fall, not all cast members moving during a wreck, plot holes big enough to drive a laser drill RV through. Check it out.