Tuesday, June 2, 2015


James Bond versus Dracula!

James Bond receives a golden bullet in the mail with his number etched on it.  That can only mean one thing: infamous assassin Christopher Lee wants to kill him.  You see, Lee is an internationally known assassin who kills with a golden bullet.  There are no pictures of him, so finding him is going to be difficult.  The only known unique physical fact about him is he has a third nipple.  So now Bond has two choices: go undercover in the third nipple-only gay porn circuit or travel to Hong Kong and have sex with random women.  Bond chooses the latter.

THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN is a weird Bond film.  There's the obvious weird: Lee's character was raised in a circus so his island lair has a funhouse feel to it.  But I'm talking more about the weird comedy moments thrown into the middle of the movie featuring the racist sheriff from the previous film.  During two separate chase sequences (remember we're in Hong Kong) Bond is seen by the racist sheriff and in one they actually end up in the same car together!  It's really, really weird and not in a good weird either. 

Bizarre unfunny comedy moments aside I enjoyed TMWTGG.  Moore and Lee were both very good, exotic locations, endless moments were the bad guys could have killed Bond but didn't, Britt Ekland looking sexy as fook, that one impressive car jump, a laser cannon, karate fighting, belly dancing, camera crew visible, a flying car, Lee's totally awesome lair, Bond chasing behind a car desperately yelling "Wait for meeee!!!"

Three thunderballs out of five.

Part 1 - Dr. No (1962)
Part 2 - From Russia With Love (1963)
Part 3 - Goldfinger (1964)
Part 4 - Thunderball (1965)
Part 5 - You Only Live Twice (1967)
Part 6 - On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969)
Part 7 - Diamonds Are Forever (1971)
Part 8 - Live and Let Die (1973)
Part 10 - The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)
Part 11 - Moonraker (1979)
Part 12 - For Your Eyes Only (1981)
Part 13 - Octopussy (1983)
Part 14 - A View to a Kill (1985)
Part 15 - The Living Daylights (1987)
Part 16 - Licence to Kill (1989)
Part 17 - GoldenEye (1995)
Part 18 - Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)
Part 19 - The World Is Not Enough (1999)
Part 20 - Die Another Day (2002)
Part 21 - Casino Royale (2006)
Part 22 - Quantum of Solace (2008)
Part 23 - Skyfall (2012)
Part 24 - Spectre (2015)
Part 25 - No Time to Die (2021)

Non-Eon James Bond films:
Casino Royale (1967)
Never Say Never (1983)

Crew visible in mirror reflection.