DEEP WATERS (1948)

DEEP WATERS is one of those movies where all of the tension, stress and conflicts could be resolved almost immediately if the characters would just talk to each other in an open and honest manner.

Twelve-year old Dean Stockwell (yep, the same Dean Stockwell from the original Quantum Leak TV show in the 80’s / 90’s) is an orphan from a fishing family who is now placed in a local fishing village by a social worker (Jean Peters) who has a deep hatred for the fishing industry because of how many people die from commercial fishing. Also, her ex-fiancée (Dana Andrews) is a fisherman and neighbor’s with the woman (Anne Revere) who takes in the boy. The social worker then gets upset when the boy shows an interest in fishing...in a fishing village where the only thing to do is fish.

All of the conflicts in DEEP WATERS arise solely from the characters not talking to each other. Then, at the very end of the film, when they actually tell each other their feelings everybody’s like...oohhhhhhh! Okay, cool. Then, literally, ride off together (in a boat) into the sunset. Normally, simplistic storytelling like that would put a thorn in my handsome sack, but with DEEP WATERS I didn’t care because I really like all of the actors in the movie and was just happy to see them perform. Especially Dana Andrews who’s always so relaxed and natural on screen. Dude is awesome. Also, Mary McKay is always just such a delight to watch in anything she ever did. Which, sadly, wasn't a lot.

Bland direction, okay pacing, zero gore, zero nudity, littering, weak as fuck story that's salvaged by solid performances. I am kinda tickled though by that poster art showing Andrews swooping up Jean in his lusty arms as the turbulent storm of his loins, I mean, the sea rages behind them...there was zero sexual chemistry between those characters in the movie.

THE PARK IS MINE (1985)

Mentally unstable, rarely employed and emotionally stunted Vietnam War vet Tommy Lee Jones is unhappy that people (mainly himself) in New York City are being mistreated. He also hates that his ex-wife (whom he owes unpaid child support and likes to drop in on unexpectedly) calls him a “loser”. So, to prove that he’s a big, beautiful, stable genius he sets off a bunch of small explosives in Central Park, then runs around shooting up the joint.

The idea of a psycho or group of psychos taking over Central Park is great and full of highly entertaining possibilities. Unfortunately, none of those possibilities made it to the screen in THE PARK IS MINE because instead of a badass FIRST BLOOD or COMMANDO-style bullet-filled bloodbath with a memorable main character, we get a dorky-looking goober in camouflage clothes and super reflective sunglasses whining like a selfish child that life just isn’t fair. Not fair at all, gosh darn it!

Weak action scenes, meh acting, rubbish script, lame-looking clothing, a SWAT cop who cannot even see a huge roll of razor wire directly in front of him and walks right into it, one weak split second topless scene, dumb dialogue, stupid cops who never think of just simply releasing some attack dogs into the park with Tommy Lee's scent [insert Motley Crue joke here], good supporting cast, zero discussion about the complete traffic clusterfuck Manhattan would be if somebody stated launching grenades all over the place, dumb ending.

THE PARK IS MINE is an interesting movie because of the story idea, but it's unrealistic to think that a lone dude with an IQ lower than his shoe size could take over Central Park. Maybe a McDonald's PlayPlace after hours, but not Central Park. THE PLAYPLACE IS MINE! I’d love to see a remake filled with drones and brutal violence. Until then we'll just have to watch DEADLY PREY again. "Danton...DAAAAAAANNNNNTTTTTOOOOOOONNNNNNN!!!!"

This has nothing to do with the review, but I do remember renting that green cover VHS when I was a kid and being disappointed in the movie. Time hasn't changed that opinion. It's still boring.