Tuesday, December 21, 2021

SPIRAL: FROM THE BOOK OF SAW (2021)

'ello, guvna. After cranking these fuckers out one installment per year between 2004 and 2010, the makers of the Saw franchise took a break before returning with the fresh, silly and exciting JIGSAW in 2017. Unfortunately, something stinky this way comes and shit all over the bed because this next Saw installment isn’t very good.  Which is disappointing, cause the posters looked promising in a True Detective, season 1 kind of way.

Anyway, the story, set in an unnamed metropolitan area that looks a lot like Toronto, is about a homicide detective, Chris Rock, who is on the trail of a Jigsaw copycat.  Meow.  Rock's style of investigation appears to be yelling a lot, letting people borrow his phone and scrunching up his face like he just walked into the fart cloud of somebody who eats a lot of plant-based meat covered in Tiger Sauce.  Stuff happens and I found myself straight-up not giving a shit.  Slow pace, overly complicated story, ugly photography, uninspired acting, boring kills, unscary killer and worst off: SPIRAL didn't feel like it had any kind of real connection to the actual Saw Universe.  The whole thing felt like a poorly written fan fiction.

And speaking of poorly written fan fiction...

Jigsaw "Grrr."-d to himself as his latest intended victim escaped from yet another game!  This is the fifth trap this guy has escaped from.  And then, once he's free, he just stands there talking about boxes of chocolate.  I should have never kidnapped this guy.  Looking into the dingy B&W video monitor, Jigsaw presses the speaker button to communicate with his victim.  "Why did you solve that puzzle so quickly, Gump?"  "You told me to, Jigsaw!"  Jigsaw lets go of the button and slams his head down onto his desk.

Part 1 - Saw (2004)
Part 2 - Saw II (2005)
Part 3 - Saw III (2006)
Part 4 - Saw IV (2007)
Part 5 - Saw V (2008)
Part 6 - Saw VI (2009)
Part 7 - Saw 3D (2010)
Part 8 - Jigsaw (2017)
Part 10 - Saw X (2023)