PIRANHA 3DD (2012)

First off this movie is only 70 minutes long. I don't even know if that's a complaint or a complement because by the time that 70th minute rolled around I was damn sure happy when the credits started rolling...for 13 minutes!!! The padded (with bloopers) end credits stretched out the total runtime to 83 minutes, but it felt like 3 hours.

The movie opens with a dead cow in the water, piranha eggs pop out of it's pussy...why?! Why am I wasting my time with this junk when I have a whole stack of Kurosawa and Ozu movies over here? I hate myself and my morbid curiosity...anyway, cow pussy. You gotta dead cow, it's gotta dead cow pussy and out of this dead cow pussy pops piranha eggs. The piranhas promptly go to a nearby water park and eat a bunch of people. Some ugly chicks get topless. David Hasselhoff shows up. The End.

The story, what there is of it, concerns a girl (Danielle Panabaker) bickering with her stepfather about him opening up an adult themed water park and her friends who work at the water park, including a nerd who is secretly in love with her. Yawn. The story is junk, the violence is garbage, the jokes are beyond lame, the nudity wasn't even worth me taking screenshots of and the acting is barely one step above a Troma movie.

The only reason I can think of to watch this stinker is Danielle Panabaker is attractive.  Other than that skip it with a vengeance and never look back.

Part 1 - Piranha (1978)
Part 2 - Piranha II: The Spawning (1981)

Remake - Piranha (1995)

Reboot 1 - Piranha (2010)

SILVER BULLET (1985)

SILVER BULLET is a fun and unique werewolf movie. The script by Stephen King, based on his wonderful short novel, Cycle of the Werewolf, is fresh and alive and is as much a coming-of-age story as it is a werewolf story. Plus, it's not too scary, so kids will enjoy it also.

A pre-LOST BOYS Corey Haim lives with his family in the small city of Tarker's Mill. His legs are fucked, so he's in a wheelchair, but his crazy Uncle Red (Gary Busey) has made him a badass wheelchair that he can haul ass up and down the street with. Life is pretty idyllic in Tarker's Mill. That is until people started getting murdered off in brutal ways. After the first few murders, a curfew is put into place, but that doesn't stop the bloodshed. Corey's involvement with the story happens one night when he comes face to face with the werewolf! It's a very thrilling scene and every time I watch this movie it still gets me all excited. Anyway, so now it's up to him and his older sister (ANNE OF GREEN GABLES' Megan Follows) to find out exactly who the werewolf is.

One thing that I really like about this film is it does a great job (in a very quick time) of capturing the feel of the city's population from their initial happiness all the way through concern, fear, anger and terror. Also, Corey Haim is great. There's a few moments where he genuinely looks terrified. The supporting cast is also top-notch including THE STEPFATHER himself Terry O'Quinn and Big Ed Hurley from "Twin Peaks" Everett McGill. And let's not forget first time director Daniel Attias who has since gone on to direct episodes of a bunch of my favorite TV shows including "Big Love", "Deadwood", "Six Feet Under" and "Buffy the Vampire Slayer".

If you're looking for some not too scary or violent horror movies for your kids, I think SILVER BULLET is an excellent choice. There is some blood and a few scary kills, but there's zero nudity and only a few cuss words.