SEVEN PSYCHOPATHS (2012)

A screenwriter (Colin Farrell) is having troubles with his drinking, his relationship with his girlfriend and coming up for an idea for his next script.  His best friend (Sam Rockwell) is an unhinged douchebag who (along with Christopher Walken) make money by kidnapping dogs and then collecting the reward.  What an asshole.  Anyway, so one day Rockwell kidnaps the prized dog of a local gangster (Woody Harrelson) who will stop at nothing to get his dog back.  That's not the strongest setup ever, but it does have potential to lead up to some awesomely over-the-top stuff going on...but no.  Instead, we have Rockwell talking nonstop while being self-destructive and crazed and for some unknown reason Farrell just sticks with him throughout it all.  Doesn't this guy have any normal, non-crazy friends?

With a title like SEVEN PSYCHOPATHS my mind was exploding with all kinds of awesome possibilities, but instead we get stuff like a serial killer that hunts serial killers.  Wow.  That's deep.  I too am a fan of Dexter.  Or a guy who hates somebody so much he follows him into Hell.  Amazing.  That's deep.  I enjoyed WHAT DREAMS MAY COME also.

Maybe if you've only seen three movies in your entire life, SEVEN PSYCHOPATHS will come off as original and clever, but as a grumpy old coot that's seen a lot of goddamn movies (example: the Vietnamese psycho's story reminded me of a 8-minute Australian horror short film I saw back in the early 1990's.) SEVEN PSYCHOPATHS started out promising enough for the first few minutes, but by the halfway point I was beginning to daydream hard.

Mild violence, lots of talking, miscasting, mild nudity, Shiner Bock beer, gangster with big shiny gun and old Cadillac convertible, more talking.  Worth a watch, I guess.  Or not.

PRETTY IN PINK (1986)

Some people might get PRETTY IN PINK mixed up with SIXTEEN CANDLES.  If this happens to you, just remember that SIXTEEN CANDLES is the funny romantic comedy, whereas PRETTY IN PINK is the kinda downer romantic drama.  Also SIXTEEN CANDLES has Long Duk Dong "Ohh, sexy girlfriend!"

Poor (literally) Molly Ringwald lives on the wrong side of the tracks, but for whatever reason still gets to go to high school with the wealthy preppies.  The lead alpha male preppy (James Spader) wants to bang Molly, but she always tells him to fuck off.  Enter the sensitive preppy (Andrew McCarthy) who has a heart of gold and looks like he's 25.  Molly goes goo-goo for him, much to the chagrin of her best friend Duckie who is secretly in love with Molly despite the fact that he's obviously gay.  Anyways, stuff happens...preppies vs. whatever the hell Molly and Duckie were, Molly's dad is too lazy to get a job, Duckie dances around like an idiot, James Spader acts like a cad, 80's music is played, Molly's older female friend has a million costume changes and so on.  It's a lot of fun and I've seen it many times, but when you think about it: Molly never had many dating choices.  It all came down to Duckie and the wimpy McCarthy who seemed to like her, but at the same time didn't really seem too sincere.

Oh well, it's no SIXTEEN CANDLES, but it's still an enjoyable mid-80's high school drama.  The fashions alone are worth checking it out.

JFA

Hey, it's ol' girl from PRIVATE RESORT!

ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK (1981)

In 1997, America is all fucked up and the crime rate is so high the government has converted Manhattan into a prison, complete with guarded 50 foot high walls around the perimeter. There are no rules. The cops just dump the prisoners and split. They don't care what happens as long as it stays inside...but all of that changes when, thanks to some terrorists, Air Force One carrying President Donald Pleasence crashes inside.

The coppers go in to get him, but only find his empty escape pod. The inmates have taken him hostage and instruct them to leave or the President dies. Plan B: convince soon-to-be-transported-to-Manhattan prisoner and ex-special forces soldier "Snake" Plissken to go in and save the President (and a super important cassette tape that he's carrying) within 24 hours. How do they convince him? By placing explosives inside of his neck.  That'll do it.

So anyway Snake goes in and...it's kinda boring. He walks around a lot and talks to some people. Eventually he punches some punks, gets captured and forced to fight a giant dude with a spiked baseball bat, but even that is boring cause the fight is only like two minutes long.  More talking and more running around happens until Snake finally a hold of the President.  Now he must escape from New York.

I've heard tons of hype about this movie being totally badass.  I can see how the idea for this movie is awesome, but the reality of it isn't all that great. It's pretty boring and considering how it came out the same year as THE ROAD WARRIOR it doesn't doesn't have any excuse not to be badass.  I'm sure all kinds of fanboys are vomiting tears and punching their computers right now, but it's true. ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK is not action-packed and it looks pretty goddamn cheap.

Worth a watch once just to see what all the hype is about, but I can't imagine wanting to watch it multiple times. Very little violence, no gore, very little tension, zero nudity (unless you count Kurt Russell's nipples or that extremely quick scene in the theater), impressive cast including some uncredited voice acting by Jamie Lee Curtis as the narrator / computer, a gun equipped with a silencer making a lot of noise, a Cadillac with chandeliers on the hood, dated as fuck special effects, important information being carried on a cassette tape despite it being 1997.

If you need me, I'll be in my room watching the next Carpenter-Russell collaboration instead...THE THING.  Or maybe re-reading that escape the store chapter from Robert McCammon's "Swan Song".

Part 2 - Escape From L.A. (1996)