OUTBREAK (1995)

The tagline on the poster says "Try to remain calm." Well, with a film as shoddy, boring and rushed together looking as OUTBREAK that ain't gonna be too hard to do.

OUTBREAK starts out well enough with a mysterious sickness killing off people in Zaire. Military virologist Dustin Hoffman is sent in to investigate. He quickly realizes there's some serious shit going down, but when he requests that his superiors sound the alert they instead say it's nothing and reassign him. And that's where OUTBREAK falters. A taut, well-written story about a highly contagious virus spreading like wildfire could be awesome! Instead, around the midway point OUTBREAK becomes less about the virus and more about the military coverup. Hint: I don't care.

Whenever I watch a movie about an killer virus outbreak I want it to be about a killer virus outbreak not government cover ups, not helicopter chases and not dropping a bomb on innocent people in an effort to stop the spread of the disease. OK, well the dropping a bomb on innocent people part has potential, but it was just never realized. And speaking of unrealized potential: with such an impressive cast and Warner Brothers deep pockets OUTBREAK had the potential to be really good movie. Sadly, that didn't happen and now decades later OUTBREAK hasn't aged gracefully at all.

The actual outbreak scenes early on were interesting, but then when the story centers in around keeping the disease quarantined in the small city of Cedar Creek (a miniature representation of America, I guess) it falls apart. Uninspired dialogue, unrealistic reaction by the citizenry when they are taken over by the military, weak special effects, lame action scenes, predictable climax.

If you need me I'll be in my room watching EBOLA SYNDROME.

DEEP IMPACT (1998)

Ahh yes, "The Great Asteroid/Comet Battle of 1998". DEEP IMPACT vs. ARMAGEDDON. Who could forget it? It was almost as exciting as "The Great Volcano Battle of 1997"!

One quiet evening, some young amateur astronomers are looking up at the sky when what do they see, but a gigantic comet headed straight for Earth! Holy fook!!! It's actually not that straightforward, but soon enough, word gets out that we're all going to die and everyone goes bonkers...dogs and cats living together...mass hysteria! But wait! Humanity has one last chance to survive in the form of a huge spaceship filled with brave astronauts that is going to travel out to the comet, drill holes, insert bombs and explode that bitch! There's also a side story about a national lottery that will give 800,000 Americans access to a newly build bomb shelter in Missouri that will survive the impact, but then they'd have to live in Missouri.  Just kidding, I've never been to Missouri, I'm sure it's fine.

Compared to ARMAGEDDON, DEEP IMPACT is more serious and in some ways a better film, but, as far as pure entertainment goes, ARMAGEDDON is the clear winner.  I did really like how DEEP IMPACT started out with the investigative reporter digging for clues.  That was a lot of fun.  The revelation about the impending disaster was cool too.  The place where DI falters is the very ending.  It's way too abrupt and not even close to satisfying.

Zero nudity, zero Aerosmith songs, touching moments overload, 90's-level CG destruction, good pacing, explosive outgassing, okay acting.  DEEP IMPACT is entertaining, especially the first half, but the ratio of sappy emotional moments vs. destruction was way off.

Fun rainy afternoon time-waster. I honestly watch it a few times a year. Seriously.