5 CENTIMETERS PER SECOND (2007)

Hmm, I think I'm going to have to kill my cleaning woman cause it suddenly got really dusty in my living room towards the end of this movie. Did I say kill? I meant fire.

Told in three segments, 5CPS is the touching story of a young teenager, Takaki, who changes schools a lot. He falls in love with Akari and even though they try to continue their innocent relationship after he moves they eventually drift apart over time. During this period he moves even farther away to yet another school and here a young girl, Kanae, secretly falls in love with him. They become friends, but he always seems distant.

5 CENTIMETERS PER SECOND is an amazing film in every way. The story is mature, well told and touching; the music is perfect; the voice acting is emotional and the animation is beautiful! Not only is it jaw-dropping just to look at, but the cinematography so natural in it's movements that you forget at moments that you're even watching a goddamn cartoon. I was so impressed that I actually watched it twice back-to-back. Highly recommended for lovers of animation and/or romantic motherfuckers like myself.

FLESH AND THE DEVIL (1926)

Probably the most popular of her silent films FLESH AND THE DEVIL is about two life long friends who unknowingly fall for the same woman and all the shit that goes down between them because of this. According to rumor the first time John Gilbert ever saw Garbo in real life was during the train station scene where his character sees Garbo's character for the first time. He fell in love with her, or at least Garbo the movie star, instantly and even left his wife for her. Who knows how true that story is, but they did have a heated romance while filming this movie and it really shows. In their kissing scenes shes grabbing him with both hand like she's a vampire. Pretty hot stuff, especially for 1926!

I liked the idea for the story, but the movie is too long and the narrative too lumpy and some of the acting (by supporting characters) is way too over dramatic. None of that really matters though cause when Garbo is on the screen I'm in absolute Heaven. At this stage in her career they could have made a three hour movie about her grocery shopping and I'd be glued to the screen the entire time.

Enjoyable silent film, but mainly just to see Garbo and Gilbert gettin' steamy.

TENTACLES (1977)

I enjoy JAWS ripoffs as much as the next person, but despite the presence of big names like Henry Fonda, Shelley Winters, John Huston and Bo Hopkins TENTACLES might be the worse I've ever seen. Hell, even THE LAST SHARK was better and more action-packed.

The film opens with a mother playing with her baby near the ocean. A friend comes by so the mother literally runs 50 yards away to talk to her. One quick edit later and the baby is gone! Oh, the horror!!! Soon after, some dude disappears and the cops start wondering what the is going on?! Maybe it has something to do with that high frequency horseshit they're using in the underwater construction job going on nearby.

Made in California with Italian backing and an Italian crew/supporting cast, this movie looks cheap as fuck. All of the scenes with Henry Fonda are close-ups with him just talking on a phone or standing in a backyard. The Huston scenes aren't much better. There's never any good shots of the octopus. And what was up with the random freeze frames?! It was annoying as hell and made zero sense.

Not painfully bad, but I can't think of any reason for you to watch it...outside of the roaring octopus scene and Shelley Winters' ramblings. That's another thing that pissed me off: Shelley Winters didn't have any scenes with the creature. That would have been movie gold! Shelley Winters rolling around in the water wrapped up in the tentacles of a roaring giant octopus.

Zero nudity, zero quality special effects, zero suspense. Skip it or just watch it with friends to laugh at.

[Update: I just read an interview with Bo Hopkins in Shock Cinema that the filmmakers actually made a million dollar mechanical octopus...but it sank into the ocean.  Also, the reason all of Henry Fonda's scenes have him sitting around doing nothing is because he'd just had a pacemaker installed.]