TOTAL RECALL (2012)

A hundred years from now war has left all but Australia and parts of Europe uninhabitable.  For whatever reason the people in Australia travel each day through the Earth and work at factories in Europe.  I'm not really sure why.  Anyway, factory worker Colin Farrell is unhappy with his life (even though he has an attractive wife), so he goes to a artificial memory implanter to get some spy memories installed and low and behold: he's already a spy!  Right then the fuzz bust in and start killing everybody.  Farrell escapes, but now he's on the run and even worse, his hot wife is also out to kill him.  Ends up Farrell is in the middle of a epic battle between Europe and the "terrorists" of Australia who don't like the way the Europeans are treating them.

Sounds convoluted (and it is), but I don't really care cause all I want to see a fun sci-fi action movie.  Any semblance to a well-told story is just a bonus.  Fortunately there are a few cool action scenes (the elevator chase, "the Fall" sequence), but unfortunately the filmmakers unwisely chose to pollute their own film with almost nonstop lens flares.  It was nuts.  Imagine watching a normal movie with some asshole constantly shining a flashlight in your face and that's what this movie was like.  I've never seen anything like it before and I hope I never see anything like it ever again.  Also, I wasn't impressed with Bryan Cranston as the bad guy.  He's a great actor, but he didn't come off as evil enough and that fight scene between him and Farrell was sad.

Not a bad story and some of the action scenes were fun, but the lens flares nearly ruin the film.  Worth a single watch only.  Oh yeah, the three-titted character from the original is back.

Original - Total Recall (1990)

TOTAL RECALL (1990)

Earth, 2084. Construction worker Arnold Schwarzenegger spends a lot of time thinking about Mars.  He daydreams about it during the day and dreams about it at night, but yet he's never been there.  Many people do live on Mars, but most of them are only there to support the mining industry which seems to be extremely crooked and very powerful.  One day, Arnold sees an ad for a company called Rekall that can implant fake memories into your noodle.  Arnold signs up for a two week memory of him being a secret agent on Mars, but when they go to hook him to the machine, he freaks out and starts tearing up the joint.  Next thing you know Arnold's entire life is turned upside-down when people start attacking him at every turn.  What the hell is going on here?!

For an Arnold film, TOTAL RECALL is kinda entertaining.  It's not as awesome as PREDATOR or COMMANDO, but it'll pass the time.  Quick pace, 90's interpretations of what fashions and technology would be like in 2084 (hint: it's gonna look a lot like 1990), Arnold grunting a lot, a woman with three tits (four years after the three-titted woman in VICIOUS LIPS), non-threatening bad guys, badly designed buildings, gigantic fans without safety guards on them, mutants that don't really do anything but just stand there.  TOTAL RECALL drinking game: every time Arnold goes "Eeeeiahaag!", every time somebody's eyeballs bulge out and every time you see an animatronic head.

The budget of $65M might sound like a lot (in 1990 money), but the story is still too ambitious for the limited special effects of the time.  Worth checking out, but nothing to get excited about.

Remake - Total Recall (2012)