FROG-G-G! (2004)

[Insert low effort Kermit the Frog joke here.]  Chemical waste gets into a town's water supply and before you can say "Caterpillar penis spelt backwards is 'fuck this movie.'", a lone dude in a plastic frog outfit that looks like it came from the motherfuckin' Dollar Store is prancing and hopping around and raping women with his invisible frog dick. It's fucking horrible.

The main question I kept asking myself while watching FROG-G-G! is "What's the point of this movie?!"  Like literally...why was it made?  I'm not trying to be a smart aleck or funny.  I honestly want to know!  There's almost no story; the 80-minute runtime is torturous; at least 70% of the movie is (unneeded) talking scenes; almost zero action; there's very little nudity (and none of it any good); the body count, if you can even call it that, is like...two; the named actors touted on the DVD box (Mary Woronov and James Duval) combine together for about 30 seconds of screentime; the script should have been lit on fire and then thrown off a balcony; I don't even want to talk about the "acting"; an underused "Goth girl"; dim lighting; annoying music; also...there's only one frog monster and he's a fucking pussy!  The giant frog from YAKUZA APOCALYPSE would have kicked this dude's invisible frog nuts up around his ears.  Hell, the frog that Din Grogu ate in The Mandalorian would have beat this guy's ass.

But, you know what's worse than all of that?  I own this motherfucker! What dark and twisted turns did my life take that I ended up the owner of a FROG-G-G! DVD?  Own it or not, it'll be a long time before I sit through this lily pad lickin', tadpole molesting, frogfuck piece of toadshit ever again.

ANATOMY 2 (2003)

"I can't live any longer."

A few years after the slaughter committed by the Heidelberg chapter of the Anti-Hippocratic Society (A.A.A.) is dismissed as some "crazy love-triangle murders", a promising young neurosurgeon (who cannot even wear a hairnet properly) is accepted into a medical school in Berlin.  One evening, after casually performing an illegal brain surgery on a child, he catches the eye of the local AAA (who are really into body modifications) and asked to join.  He does and receives calf implants to help with his soccer game.  Super happy about his new ability to run fast while kicking a spherical ball, he's soon very sad when he finds out about the murder death kills his fellow AAA members are committing.  But...he does manage to kick the backdoor off an ambulance at one point, so that's cool.

ANATOMY 2, much like the original installment, is oddly paced and strangely upbeat despite the gruesome subject matter.  Those are not bad things though.  I actually liked Part 2 better than Part 1.  Improved story, mildly interesting characters, minor blood, zero gore, zero nudity, average acting, anemic lighting, amusing body modification angle, dated computers, lots of medical jargon, brief appearance by Franka Potente from the first film, slow pace, a dude showing off his boner skillz in the park, multiple soccer scenes, boring final act.

 

The soundtrack featuring music by Oasis, Suede, Manic Street Preachers and Primal Scream leads me to believe that ANATOMY 2 was geared (upon its release) towards a more youthful audience.  If true, I find that to be amusing.

Anyway, as a horror film ANATOMY 2 is as weak as H.R. Pickens, but as an amusing timewaster...it does the job.  I doubt there will be a Part 3 (or a reboot of the series), but if so, I'd totally watch it.

Part 1 - Anatomy (2000)