TWENTIETH CENTURY (1934)

"She loves me. I could tell that through her screaming."

Egomaniac Broadway director John Barrymore discovered and created Lily Garland. They become lovers, but after three years of his psychotic jealousy she splits for Hollywood and becomes a huge movie star. Back in New York, Barrymore has had nothing but flop after flop. He's desperate for a hit and deeply in debt when, during a train trip, he discovers that Lily Garland is in the very next cabin! Nothing in the world will stop him from signing her to his next play...that he hasn't even written yet.

I cannot say enough great things about this movie. There is just so much energy blasting off the screen you can't help but get pumped up just watching it. Pretty much the entire movie is just people screaming at each other. I'd be hard-pressed to think of another screwball comedy with so much non-stop screaming. Even after dozens of viewings I still grin ear to ear watching Barrymore's antics.

If you look on IMDb it has a couple of writers credited for the screenplay and one uncredited Preston Sturges. I'm curious just how much of the dialogue was actually written by Sturges cause it really has that rapid fire, everybody-screaming-at-once quality that he's so good at.

The other great thing is the cast. Everybody is perfect, especially John Barrymore. He's amazing, but Carole Lombard is right there with him toe-to-toe the entire movie. She's wonderful.  In fact, I think both of them are more deserving of the acting Academy Awards than Gable or Colbert were from IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT.  Best Picture also.  I really like IHON a lot, but TWENTIETH CENTURY is better.  It's a pure joy from beginning to end.  I cannot recommend it enough.  All fans of classic Hollywood should have a copy in their collection.

 Gigi Parrish was fine as Hell!  See...even John Barrymore agrees with me:

 

ESCAPE PLAN (2013)

If, back in the late 1980's, it was announced that Stallone and Schwarzenegger were making an action movie together it would have been the biggest news in the universe to a young teenage boy like me who had grown up endlessly watching COMMANDO and RAMBO:FIRST BLOOD PART II.  But now, 25 plus years later, they have both pissed all over their legacies so much (by releasing weak clunker after weak clunker) that outside of a little nostalgic interest I had zero excitement going into this film.

Stallone is a security expert whose specialty is escaping prisons and then suggesting improvements to the facility, but when he gets himself stuck in a top secret government prison, he realizes that he's been double crossed.  He then teams up with fellow prisoner, Schwarzenegger, to bust out of...well, wherever he is.  That sounds very exciting and a good writer and director could make a film out of that story that would cause viewers heads to explode, but instead nearly everything about this film is unoriginal and tired.  Also the budget seemed to be surprisingly low...I have no idea what the actual budget was, but the film at least looked more like something suitable for a Lundgren/Van Damme pairing than a Stallone/Schwarzenegger one.

Great story idea that never goes anywhere, stale action scenes, lame looking prison, Sam Neill on autopilot, non-threatening evil warden (this would have been an ideal role for Lundgren or some other 80's bad guy), bland everything else.  Some action movie fans might like it, but I can't see myself ever wanting to watch it again.  Highly disappointing.

Part 2 - Escape Plan 2: Hades (2018)
Part 3 - Escape Plan: The Extractors (2019)

HANGING BY A THREAD (1979)

There is absolutely no artistic reason that this film should be 190 minutes long.  The entire story is: a group of dorks who call themselves the Uptown Club decide to go to the top of a mountain for a picnic.  On the way up, the cable car is struck by lightning and disabled.  For the rest of the movie, these nerds cry and bitch and have flashbacks...mostly melodramatic stuff concerning other members of the Uptown Club...while one single helicopter tries over and over and over to save them.  Booorrring!  It's all painfully slow with no pay off.

For some reason when I went into this film I was thinking the incident would take place on a Gondola lift in a urban area.  Car perilously hanging as crowds of people ooooohhhh and awwwwww.  But no, HANGING BY A THREAD is about a basic as it can be.  The lightning strikes during the daytime and then suddenly it's nighttime.  That means all of the "in danger" scenes take place with a black background.  How exciting.  Also, the helicopter pilot is nonstop bitching about the wind, but every time we see a flag it's hanging limp.  Same goes with people standing outside...their hair isn't even moving!  The filmmakers tried to pad the running time (I guess so it can be a two-night event) with a story about gangster hit men trying to kill one of the passengers, but it's beyond lame.

I had positive hopes for HBAT, but in the end I was bored bored bored. Low budget, stiff acting, lifeless script, pathetic photography, TV show-level sets, many many shots of people making facial expressions ad nauseam, unlikable characters, super weak ending.  Unless you're a glutton for punishment or a hardcore fan of some of these actors, I say skip it with a vengeance.  I wish I had...that said, knowing me, I'll probably watch it again in a year or two.