THE PIRATE MOVIE (1982)

Of the thousands of pirate-themed musicals made in Australia during the 1980's, THE PIRATE MOVIE is the wackiest, the most romantic, the only one to feature an octopus playing an electric guitar...and the best.

Fredric (without a "k") was raised by pirates, but when he meets Mabel (also without a "k") he instantly falls in love and leaves the pirate life behind him. His pirate family isn't happy about this and devises a plan to get him back. The plan features a lot of singing. At the same time, Fredric devises a plan to steal Mabel's family's treasure back from the pirates. This plan features a lot of singing. Shit goes down and finally the cops are called in, yes...singing cops.

THE PIRATE MOVIE is an acquired taste film. At first, the bizarre one liners and dreamy story presentation kind of throw you off, but then you get into it and it's fun. I'm not sure why this movie developed such a horrible reputation.  The musical numbers are kinda hit or miss, but even the lesser ones are still fun to watch.

If you like the 80's and/or you love campy musicals then you should check out THE PIRATE MOVIE. It's corny as fuck, but it's also sweet and fun. "Tarantara! Tarantara!" to all the motherfuckers who don't like this movie.

PIRANHA (2010)

[Update 04/18/2023: Need rewatch this film and redo this review completely. Fix the screenshots also.]

Sheriff Elizabeth Shue discovers that a bunch of killer piranhas are headed right for the drunken Spring Breakers that are infesting her town. Instead of making the world a better place and not telling anyone, but she does the evil thing and warns them. Naturally they don't listen and soon get eaten.

I really expected this movie to take the dick and suck it, but it was actually pretty entertaining. Not entertaining enough that I would ever want to watch it again, but I got some good laughs out of it. Also Kelly Brook is extraordinarily beautiful, but yet her nude scene totally sucked! She has one of the hottest bodies on the planet, but for whatever reason, maybe the 3D bullshit, her naked body looked all cartoony to the point that I couldn't even tell if it was real or not. And that happened a lot with this movie. Nearly all of the gore and blood scenes looked CGI but when you watch the extras you see that they're actually not! It was really weird. I know this is just a cheesy killer fish movie, but really wish the filmmakers would have concentrated more on writing an original script and using real special effects instead of trying to look slick. The movie is fun, but the script is garbage. It's like the scriptwriters had a slumber party and watched JAWS, JAWS 2, EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS, the original PIRANHA and just mash it all together with a dash of "Girls Gone Wild" parody. It's crap, but I guess the target audience really doesn't care. Hopefully Part 2 has an better story, more gore and more action.

Nice amount of tits, tons of crappy looking CGI, really horrible rap and techno bullshit, a bunch of really good actors in supporting roles, Elisabeth Shue looking old!, crushed head, chick's hair stuck in boat propeller, roaring piranhas, blood all over the place with lots of gnawed up limbs. Definitely a fun rent, but that's about it.

Best scene in the movie: during the main attack scene a dude says fuck this shit, jumps in a boat and just starts running people over! It was hilarious.

Part 1 - Piranha (1978)
Part 2 - Piranha II: The Spawning (1981)

Remake - Piranha (1995)

Reboot 2 - Piranha 3DD (2012)

Is this a nod to the famous TITANIC shot?

THE JAPANESE WIFE NEXT DOOR PART 2 (2004)

[Update 02/21/2021: need to redo this entire review and fix the screenshots.]

Not as good as Part 1. I still liked the film, but it was much darker and not as sexy as the original. A lot of that unsexiness is due to Reiko Yamaguchi only having a minor role. She was so energetic and seductive in Part 1 you just wanted some of that "tit-fucking" she kept talking about! It makes sense with the story that she only has a minor role, but I still really missed her.

Just like in the original, our lead character meets two different girls at a company mixer at the beginning of the film. In the original, he hooks up with Reiko and his life is turned into a living Hell (but at least it was a funny living Hell to the audience), in this one he hooks up with the other girl and things take a much more sinister turn very quickly. There were a few genuinely creepy moments (the way his wife approached the bed at 34:15 and the bloody anal rape scene) that made me think fondly of Takashi Miike in his prime, but overall it just didn't get creepy enough. I would have preferred if the film had been a comedy like the first one, but if you're going to go the creepy route instead then, that's fine, but go all the way! My biggest complaint though is the new girls in this one didn't have near the same screen presence that Reiko Yamaguchi did. Compared to her they were all boring. She did have one sex scene though.

One highlight, at least for me, was the short video interview with composer Hitomi Oba in the extras. I enjoyed her a lot in the audio commentary to the first film and was really happy to see her interviewed here. There's just something about her that I find interesting. Hopefully we'll get a longer interview in the future.

Lots of tits, zero eroticism, male enema scene, male anal rape scene, one chick with a pimple on her butt. Definitely worth a watch if you've seen Part 1, but nothing to get overly excited about.

Part 1 - The Japanese Wife Next Door (2004)