BREAKING DAWN - PART 1 (2011)

Ahhh yeah. My favorite comedy series about super moody vampires is back! Was it worth the wait? Yes. Was it as awesome as I had hoped? Yes. Was there tons of brooding? Yes. Fighting? Not really. Unicorns? No. Moonshine running? No. Cockblocking? Yes. A crying werewolf? Yes.  Alice getting naked?  Nooooo!!!!!

The film opens with Edward and Bella getting married (finally!!!) and on their wedding night The Beast With Two Backs shows up and as we all learned from Season 6 of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer": vampires are dynamite in the sack! Edward didn't just wreck the shit out of the bed, he torn that pussy up too. Before you can say "Gimme some of dat vampire jizz and put some stank on it!" Bella is pregnant with some kind of mysterious creature that's killing her from the inside out! Holy fook!

Naturally, the werewolf clan doesn't look kindly on this abomination and they want to kill the baby. Even more naturally, Jacob mopes around non-stop while being a whiny, cockblocking Beta! Ohhh, I hate him so much! Will Bella live? What the f is inside her? Can Edward possibly get more dreamy? Could Alice's smile be any cuter? Will I laugh so hard my sides still hurt the next day?  Will they ever make an Alice spinoff series?! Will there be a cliffhanger ending that makes me yell "What the fuck? Nooooo!!!!!" and shake my handsome fist at my TV? You're gonna have to watch it yourself to find out!

I'm not sure how I'm going to make it another year.

Part 1 - Twilight (2008)
Part 2 - The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009)
Part 3 - The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010)
Part 5 - The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 (2012)

WAKE ISLAND (1942)

Released just nine months after the actual Battle of Wake Island, WAKE ISLAND the movie has the facts of the story all messed up, but we'll let that slide since this film (one of the very first American WWII movies made about the US involvement) is more about capturing a feeling and rousing the people at home into fighting mode.

As for the movie itself, WAKE ISLAND opens with some American Marines and civilian contractors living their life on Wake Island. Digging holes and bitching about how bored they are until one day, out of nowhere, the Japanese Navy attacks. Will the Americans be able to hold out until reinforcements show up? Or will reinforcements just not show up at all?

I liked the film, but it's a little too lighthearted for my tastes. I understand the filmmakers were trying to make the characters more personable, but that one dude (William Bendix) was a fucking goofball.  Then again, what do I know because he was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor for his role in this film! Other than the goofball, the rest of the film is alright. The action scenes are especially well made.  I would imagine WAKE ISLAND was a real crowd-pleaser back in 1942 even despite the continuity errors.

Modern audiences will probably find it very dated, especially laughable Brian Donlevy's outfit (and the two guys who couldn't keep their hands off of each other), but as far as pro-American propaganda goes WAKE ISLAND is entertaining enough.

Nice shirt there Seinfeld. The tie's awesome too.

TO HELL AND BACK (1955)

Audie Murphy was the highest decorated soldier during WWII and this is his story (based on his book) and played by him. The sixth of twelve children, Audie was raised by poor sharecroppers and had to drop out of school during the 5th grade to work the farm. After his mother's death in May 1941, Murphy was forced to put some of his siblings in an orphanage.  Then, after the attack on Pearl Harbor, he enlisted in the Army. The rest is history. He was small (5'5" and 110 pounds), but he fought hard to become a combat soldier (his company commander wanted him moved to the kitchen) and it's a good thing he succeeded because during his time on the front lines he killed over 240 Nazi's including a shitload of  them while manning a big machine gun that was mounted on top of a burning tank!

Made in 1955, TO HELL AND BACK was wildly popular and reportedly Universal's biggest money maker until JAWS was released 20 years later. I'm not sure how modern audiences would like the film, since it is pretty dated, but I've seen it a few times and always enjoy it. The pace is a little slow in places, but the action is exciting and as a fan of Audie Murphy it's a double joy to see him playing himself. If you're a fan of older WWII movies then I say it's most definitely worth a watch.

On a personal note: I would love to see a gritty hardcore remake of Audie Murphy's heroic WWII feats. Hey, Hollywood while you're at it how about an entire series of ultraviolent and brutal WWII movies? The second in the series, after Audie Murphy, could be about Simo Hayha who personally killed over 700 Russian soldiers!!!