LOCKOUT (2012)

A secret agent dude is set up and accused of killing another agent and stealing Top Secret information. His punishment: 30 years of sleepy time in a space station prison, MS One, where everybody is put in a cryogenically frozen sleep. But then, right as he's being prepped to to be transported to jail, the President's daughter, who was on a humanitarian mission to MS One, is kidnapped during a riot. Now the only chance of saving her is sending in this half-sleepy dude to kick a bunch of ass, crack a bunch of surprisingly humorous jokes and get her to an unmarked escape pod.

I enjoyed LOCKOUT.  A lot of No Fun Club members will probably complain that LOCKOUT borrows heavily from the whole ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK story idea, but that's fine with me cause EFNY was a fucking snoozefest. But whatever, Guy Pearce was really good, the chemistry between him and the President's daughter was fun to watch (I especially enjoyed the scene where he was doctoring her leg), there was a lot of CG but outside of the motorcycle chase scene it all looked pretty good, the pace was quick, the space station was cool. The biggest complaint is the violence wasn't violent enough. When you think of prison you think of it as the extreme in violence and ungentlemanly behavior, but outside of murdering and talking at an outside voice level while inside these guys weren't very threatening.

As far as B-level sci-fi/action flicks go LOCKOUT is fairly entertaining and you could definitely do worse...SPLIT SECOND I'm thinking about you! If you enjoy cheesy action movies, I say check it out.

A FIRE IN THE SKY (1978)

Astronomers discover that a comet is headed straight for Earth. They tell the proper authorities, but they refuse to listen. Why won't they listen?!!!!!

Astronomer Richard Crenna insists that the comet, named Jenny [yes, I typed that out in Forrest Gump's voice], is going to hit Phoenix and that everybody needs to be evacuated immediately because there's only 8 days until the impact. Of course, it wouldn't be much of a movie if that happened, so instead AFITS branches off into a number of different stories covering people from all walks of life living their lives totally unaware that in a weeks time they're going to get blasted to smithereens. You got the young couple in love and her snobby parents don't approve; Merlin Olsen leading some kids on a hike out in the desert; the concerned mother of one of the kids (since they didn't take a radio with them); the astronomers; various town folk and then an investigative reporter versus the politicians, but to throw a monkey wrench into the situation her husband is in cahoots with the politicians and he's cheating on her!!! Talk about having a bad week!

Tightly constructed script, fairly impressive special effects for a 70's TV movie, interesting characters, above average acting, 70's clothes, plenty of drama. I enjoyed the hell out of this movie and the two and a half hour runtime flew by! Some people might be turned off by the lack of action, but for me the story was interesting enough and I kinda liked seeing a film that focused more on the human than the destruction.

If you can find it I say check it out. I'll definitely be watching my copy again.  Also, Lloyd Nolan is credited on IMDb as being in the film as "Doctor", but I can't find him for the life of me and I don't see his name on the opening or closing credits.

Older sister from SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE II.

SECTOR 7 (2011)

Next time you hear somebody talking shit about Michael Bay just point them in the direction of SECTOR 7. The shear over the top ridiculousness of this film makes Bay's ARMAGEDDON look almost quaint.

The story is about the crew of an offshore drilling platform (there's only like 10 people, I would imagine it takes much more to keep one of those things going) versus a monster. When the film opens, they don't know about the monster so they have time to do shit like cooking out and motorcycle racing. Finally the monster shows up and it looks like a giant mutated seal with tentacles! Later on when it gets burned up it looks like a mutated buffalo wing! Also it roars nonstop. It could have killed these losers a dozen times over if it would've quit roaring every five seconds. So for the remainder of the movie it roars its way around the platform nonstop until I wanted to commit suicide. The level of shittiness in this movie is beyond my writing skill to explain.

The story goes nowhere, there was so much CG bullshit going on they might as well just made the movie animated, sensitive music, terrible acting, crappy rock music, slow motion sensitive scenes, silly looking monster, zero nudity, zero gore, zero blood, zero suspense, zero fucks given about making a good movie. Skip the fuck out of this job monster turkey.

If you need me I'll be in my room watching THE ABYSS.

I thought you needed eye protection while welding?