IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS (1994)

Insurance investigator Sam Neill is hired by a publishing house to find their lost horror writer, Sutter Cane.  Using clues from Cane's book covers, Neill discovers a map that leads him to the fictional town of Hobb's End, which is the setting in many of Cane's novels.  Progressively creepy stuff happens (reoccurring bicycle rider on the road, paintings moving, phantom children, evil dogs, mutants, tentacles, dogs and cats living together) and soon Neill discovers that he's in a world of shit.

Time has not been kind to IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS.  The last time I last saw it was back in 1995 when it first came out in the theaters and I thought it was pretty creepy.  Revisiting it now...not so much.  Actually, it's not even creepy at all.  Instead the whole thing looks cheap around the edges, the story isn't near as grand as it promises to be, there's barely any violence, the only female with descent screentime to the unsexy "sexy" vampire from FRIGHT NIGHT II, the story drags on without any payoff, Sam Neill's performance comes off much campier than I remembered and the intro credit song by John Carpenter is like a bizarre lovechild of "(Don't Fear) The Reaper" and "Enter Sandman".

IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS isn't a bad movie, it's just dedicates so much energy into this whole perverted reality "are we living in a book?" bullshit that it forgets to actually have any scary moments.  Worth a watch for fans of 90's horror, but it's nothing to get excited about.  If you want me I'll be in my room watching PRINCE OF DARKNESS.

THE UNTOUCHABLES (1987)

In 1930, Al Capone (Robert De Niro) was one of the most powerful gangsters in America.  Most of his power, wealth and influence came from the US government's brilliant decision to make booze illegal.  Thanks to Prohibition, organized crime syndicates got a massive boost.  It's estimated that, during the Prohibition, the illegal alcohol beverage industry averaged $3 billion per year in illegal untaxed income!  Rather than just repealing Prohibition, the government sends in Prohibition agent Kevin Costner to take down Capone.  Costner quickly learns that Capone has the police in his back pocket, so he assembles a tight-knit group of agents that a willing to risk everything to stop Capone illegal shenanigans.  He calls them...Hero Squad, I mean, The Untouchables. 

That sounds exciting...a government-backed special agent versus a ruthless gangster who has more money than god.  If it was told in a cynical, dark and extremely violent way it would be awesome!  Instead Brian De Palma's THE UNTOUCHABLES just isn't very good.  The acting is laughable (1987 must have been an absolute crap year for movies for Sean Connery to actually win an Academy Award for his totally average performance.  Then again the award probably should have just gone to R. Lee Ermey for FULL METAL JACKET), the music (while by itself is fine) is sometimes jarringly out of place in this film (example: the happy sounding music during the horse riding scene...the nerdy accountant gleefully yelling "Woooooo!!!" didn't help things either), the story is telegraphed way in advance and has zero tension...and the direction!  Ohh brother. I've never been an admirer of De Palma and this film does nothing to change that.  I can't quite put my finger on it, but the entire way this movie looked just irritated me.  It looked like a movie.  Staged and unnatural.

Also for a movie being about Al Capone there's very little Al Capone in the film.  I think he had like 6 - 7 scenes total and none of them were very long.  Skip it. If you need me I'll be in my room watching "Boardwalk Empire".

 The guy in the middle of the screen looks like he twisted his ankle.

 "Yearbook"?  Don't you mean "textbook"?

 After the hand grenade lands for the second(!) time the explosion comes from out of the ground beside it.

THE THING (1982)

A lone commercial towing spaceship carrying twenty million tons of mineral ore travels through the vast openness of space.  What?  Oh, sorry, wrong movie.  A lone Alaskan Malamute runs across the vast openness of Antarctica.  Right behind him is a Norwegian helicopter with a guy hanging out the side shooting at him.  The dog manages to make it to an American research station.  As the Americans run out to see what all the ruckus is the helicopter lands and one of the Norwegians drops a grenade that kills him and blows up the helicopter.  Unfazed, the other Norwegian starts shooting at the dog.  Hitting an American instead.  The Americans return fire killing the Norwegian.

Understandably, the Americans are freaked out by all of this.  They can't raise anybody on the radio, so they send a few guys over to the Norwegian base to get some answers, but they only find more questions when they discover that the base has recently burned to the ground and the bodies all show signs of physical trauma.  Even more bad news comes in the form of a freaky humanoid corpse with two faces!

So begins what is quite possibly John Carpenter's greatest film.  And that's saying something from the guy who directed HALLOWEEN, BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA and PRINCE OF DARKNESS.  Over the years I've seen THE THING many, many times and it never fails to grab me.  There's just something about the idea of 1) being in a dangerous situation in a completely secluded place like Antarctica 2) literally having no idea who to trust 3) knowing that the fate of the entire human species rests in the hands of you completely killing this Thing from another world and 4) there's almost a 100% chance that you're going to die.  It's horrifying...to think about how to express all of that on the screen, but somehow Carpenter does just that.  Right from the opening scene, THE THING grabs your attention and it never lets go.  Sometimes I like put myself in the place of a character in a movie and when I think about that heart defibrillator scene...holy fook!  The sudden realization that you're way in over you're head and there is something from another planet trying to kill you!  That scene ranks right up there with the chestburster scene in ALIEN.

I cannot say enough good things about THE THING.  Excellent ensemble acting, creepy atmosphere, quick pace, massively influential special effects that are still to this day jaw-dropping and some of the best lighting I've ever seen.  Honestly, THE THING should have received a number of Oscar nominations and not just for the visual stuff.  The editing on this film is brilliant.  There's literally no wasted time.

If you're a horror fan, then it is required viewing.  While watching it again for this review I couldn't help but think how interesting it would be if somebody was to make a prequel telling the exciting story of the alien takeover of the Norwegian base...oh wait.  A good prequel telling the exciting story of the alien takeover of the Norwegian base.  While they're at it, somebody should make a prequel to ALIENS showing the colonists on LV-426 fighting the aliens.

Original - The Thing From Another World (1951)
Prequel to the remake - The Thing (2011)