Saturday, March 12, 2011


Once again, the makers of the Freddy series prove they have no idea what the audience wants.  We want badass kills that'll make you jump up and yell "Oh, shit!!!", Freddy acting like a total asshole, hot naked chicks and some hot naked dudes (just to be fair to everybody), a couple of good laughs, lots of scares, awesome photography, creepy atmosphere, quick pace, easy to follow story, sexy clothes...I could go on, but you get the idea.  Unfortunately none of that stuff happens in ANOES5.

The two survivors from Part 4, Alice and Dan, are still together...and they're expecting a baby!  Awww.  Congratulations!  Too bad Freddy's shows back up and somehow starts messing with the baby's dreams.  Good lord, people get paid actual money to write this shit?!

Lame characters, low body count (3), goofy kills, zero nudity, average acting, rubbish story, Freddy turning into a motorcycle, Freddy riding a skateboard...honestly, outside of wanting to see the entire series, I can't think of a single reason to watch this soulless snoozer.  Take a nap instead.

Part 1 - A Nightmare on Elm Street
Part 2 - A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge
Part 3 - A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors
Part 4 - A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master
Part 6 - Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare
Part 7 - Wes Craven's New Nightmare
Remake 1 - A Nightmare on Elm Street
Freddy vs Jason