Tuesday, June 21, 2011

NEW NIGHTMARE (1994)

If I'm following this snory (that's a mix between a snore and a story) correctly, there's an ancient demon that got trapped in the Freddy Krueger character, but now that they are no longer making ELM STREET movies he's breaking free and starting to crossover into the real world.  And for some goddamn reason, Heather Langenkamp (who played Freddy's nemesis in the original film and Part 3) is the "gatekeeper".  Well, that's the stupidest shit I've ever heard in my life, but whatever, let's see how it goes...

...like shit. Heather is being haunted by these spooky dreams and her annoying kid is even more annoying because he sleepwalks all over the joint and talks like Danny from THE SHINING. Then finally after a short eternity Freddy shows up and instantly gets his ass kicked. Wow. That's entertainment. 

The story would have been much better if it had been centered on Robert Englund instead of Heather Langenkamp.  Unfortunately, Englund has very little screen time as himself.

Way too much buildup for zero pay off, no gore, no nudity, a new Freddy glove that looks like garbage, lots and lots of talking, stupid kills, really annoying kid, low body count (4, two of which are in the opening scene and look like crap!), Freddy wearing a hat made out of Kermit the Frog's skin. Skip it with a vengeance.

Part 1 - A Nightmare on Elm Street
Part 2 - A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge
Part 3 - A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors
Part 4 - A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master
Part 5 - A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child
Part 6 - Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare
Remake 1 - A Nightmare on Elm Street
Freddy vs Jason