Monday, August 19, 2013

WOLFEN (1981)

My Latin is pretty rusty, but if my high school memory serves correctly Wolfen is Latin for "yawning my fucking balls off".  When I decided to watch this movie I incorrectly figured that it was gonna be about werewolves...and be good.  I was wrong on both accounts.  WOLFEN is the extremely slow-moving story about some mysterious death in NYC.  The police are baffled at how people can end up so mutilated (offscreen!  Don't get excited) with no trace of any weapons used.  Police detective Albert Finney is on the case and after what seemed to be dozens of hours of him walking around, eating cookies and talking to different people he comes to the realization that it's actually some kind of Native American spirit wolf pack.  Unn-huh.

That's right there's zero werewolves involved.  The only wolves involved at all are actual wolves and even then we only get to see them in action at the very end of the movie and even then it's boring as fook.  I've seen more violence in TV commercials than I saw in this movie!  If you enjoy watching Albert Finney walking around talking to people along with different short scenes of "wolf vision" (which is nothing more than crappy looking thermographic wolf POV shots) tossed in at random then this is the movie for you.  If you're looking to be entertained look elsewhere.  If you need me I'll be in my room watching TEEN WOLF.