HARDBODIES (1984)

Three middle-aged men (a.k.a. “fossils”) rent a beach house in order to hook up with young women. They strike out non-stop, so they hire a local young stud to mentoring them in the fine art of picking up women. A Doctorate of Poon Handling (PhD), if you will.

That’s really about it. Back in the 1980’s I remember HARDBODIES being known for the impressive amount of topless nudity it has, but re-visiting it now, it’s kinda funny just how “Eighties” this film is. The clothing, the cars, the food prices, the simplicity of the story, the careless lives of the characters, zero repercussions for anything. It’s all just so carefree. I don’t know, it’s not a big deal just something that I couldn’t shake while watching it again. The other thing that struck me was just how extreme the character shift was for the guy Hunter. Dude was a nerd when we first meet him, then towards the end of the movie he suddenly turns into a total sleazebag. I know it was done in order to introduce some conflict, but damn, that dude sucked. Then again, he did sexually assault a young woman early in the film when he was acting like a store mannequin, so I guess that was foreshadowing.

Zero jokes that were actually funny (outside of the one guy randomly yelling “Fart! Fart! Fart! Fart!” at the party), a least three familiar faces from the FRIDAY THE 13TH series, a tasteless joke about a man in a wheelchair falling into the ocean, lots and lots and lots of white people everywhere.

For a brainless mid-80's sex comedy HARDBODIES is pretty standard and worth checking out for anybody curious about it. The only thing that I really dislike is having the three fossils as main characters. The story would have been much more playful and engaging with three younger dudes trying to get laid. Nobody who watches sex comedies wants to see old people. Yuck.

Part 2 - Hardbodies 2 (1986)

Apparently actor Michael Rapport is a comedian.

THE CAR (1977)

One day, for no known reason, a mysterious all-black car starts murdering people around the small desert town of Santa Ynez. The local authorities are useless and never call for outside help even after six of their own police officers are killed. Oh yeah, did I mention that the car doesn’t have a driver and it can drive through houses and tumble all over the joint and rev its engine a lot? Well, it can.

I first saw THE CAR when it aired on NBC on Saturday, November 22, 1980. My itty-bitty stupid child brain thought THE CAR was wicked as fuck and come Monday we were all standing around the school playground saying stuff like “The Car is wicked as fuck!” and “When Knight Rider shows up in two years, The Car is gonna kick K.I.T.T. in his N.U.T.T.Z.!” and “I wish The Car would kill me and my entire family! Yeah!” You know, normal childhood banter.

But…is THE CAR still entertaining today? Ehhh, the first two acts are fairly entertaining, I really did enjoy watching the car taking people out and then honking like a maniac, but the last act is a goddamn snoozer!

Amusing idea (even if it’s just a rip-off of JAWS), cool-looking devil whip, okay acting, pretty desert town locations, incorrect subtitles on the blu-ray and the DVD (see below), weak direction, even weaker script, solid cast, a police car falling one foot and exploding. Overall, THE CAR is an interesting film that made a pretty big impact on (movie-loving) children of a certain age. And even if I find the film to be weak nowadays, I’m still a fan of it and don’t understand why there wasn’t more done with this idea. I wish somebody had made more Car films back in the 1980’s.

If you’ve never seen THE CAR, then it’s definitely worth checking out. Double-feature with the Futurama episode "The Honking".

[Bonus newspaper clip talking shit about THE CAR. I actually remember also watching THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE after THE CAR.]

She clearly say "Cat poo!, not "Tadpole!" Even worse, this subtitle is incorrect on the DVD also. So like nobody checks this shit? Or they just don't give a fuck?