GOING APE! (1981)

The owner of a popular circus dies. He leaves his prized orangutans (three of them) to his adult son, Tony Danza. He also leaves $5 million with the stipulation that if any of the three orangutans die then the money goes to a local evil zoological society. Naturally, the evil zoological society hires some bumbling assassins to murder one of the apes. All kinds of wacky hijinks ensue like people falling off a building into a large fountain, car chases and a food fight.

If you’re already familiar with early 1980’s comedies, then you probably have a pretty good idea what you’re gonna get with a (family?) movie called GOING APE! Zero nudity, cheap laughs, average acting, dumb as hell story, moderate pace. Overall, the entire thing is just kinda blah. I found my handsome brain wandering a lot. Also, I really disliked the scene with the younger orangutan tied to a log and going towards a large saw blade. I know that it’s acting, but still, this is a comedy and the image of a baby going towards a saw upset me.

Worth watching, I guess, if you’re interested in earlier stuff by Danny DeVito or Jessica Walter, but I just found it forgettable. I did enjoy the vintage Los Angeles scenery and the multiple familiar faces in supporting roles including Al Leong, Ted White, Frank Sivero, and Art Metrano.

THE THAW (2009)

THE THAW isn't a bad film or a good film, it's just a nothing film. The story is lifted straight from the 1982 version of THE THING. All they did was remove the snow, the tension, the cool FX, the creepy monsters, the interesting alien storyline and Kurt Russell then replaced it with a bloated Val Kilmer, 90's cable level CGI effects, less snow, lame insect "monsters" and a heavy-handed global warming due to human pollution theme.

Scientists up north somewhere find a woolly mammoth (thanks to the global warming) and start studying it. That's all fine and dandy until they discover it's full of some centipede/cockroach-looking parasites that like to dig their way into you then start laying eggs all up in yo shit. That actually sounds cool, but in reality the whole thing is bland as fuck.

If you're really, really bored then check it out, but with little violence, a lame political message, no tits and a lame monster there's very zero reason to waste your time with this frozen turkey.  If you need me, I'll be in my room watching "Fortitude".

INFESTATION (2009)

INFESTATION is more of a comedy/horror than a straight horror movie, but that's cool cause the main dude, Cooper, is actually pretty funny. It starts out with him at his telemarketer job slacking off and getting fired. Right then a loud noise knocks everybody out and when he wakes (yea, it's a lot like the first chapter of Wyndham's "The Day of the Triffids") everybody is cocooned. Cooper claws out of his webbing, fights some giant beetles and saves a few other people including the hot Brooke Nevin. They do the standard post-apocalyptic stuff, but what makes this movie stand out from the dozens of other insect/animals/alien attack movies is that INFESTATION is actually good!

 

Fresh writing, imaginative action scenes, believable characters that are fun to watch. A lot of movies in the comedy/horror genre are disappointing (SLITHER, SHAWN OF THE DEAD, BLACK SHEEP, FIDO) because the writing is forced and lame, but I thought INFESTATION was very well made and earns the right to live in the shadow of the genre classics like TREMORS, GREMLINS, DEAD ALIVE and THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD. I said live in the shadow, not alongside! It's a good movie, but let's not go crazy.

If you liked EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS for what it was, then you'll enjoy INFESTATION.