Volcanologist Pierce Brosnan is sent to do a routine investigation on a
gigantic dormant volcano somewhere up in a northwestern state. Nestled down
below this sleeping giant is the peaceful town of Dante's Peak. Aww. Once
he takes a few readings, Pierce starts to get worried and wants to evacuate the
town, BUT THEY JUST WON'T LISTEN!!!! Why? Whyyyy?!!! Anyway, his team shows up
and they do some more investigating in the daytime, but once the sun
drops...it's time for ol' Pierce to try and pierce Mayor Linda Hamilton's meat
curtains, if you know what I'm saying. Nudge nudge wink wink. Say no more! A
nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat, eh? Time passes and things look pretty
grim. A few people start to listen, but by then it's too damn late and
everything just blows the fuck up.
DANTE'S PEAK was in direct competition with
VOLCANO
for the "Best Volcano Disaster Movie of 1997" Award and I'm voting for DANTE'S
PEAK. The special effects on VOLCANO looked kinda crappy (as did the story), but
here on DANTE'S PEAK, things look impressive (for the time) and the story is
actually good. In fact, I would've been fine if the film had been even
longer! I really enjoyed the build up scenes. Hamilton and Brosnan
have good onscreen chemistry, the supporting cast is interesting and the
town/scenery is gorgeous. Oh my god, I would love to live somewhere as beautiful
as the town in this movie.
But not everything is perfect...even though the tone of the movie is serious
there's plenty to laugh about and I certainly did. The two most ridiculous
scenes, without a doubt, have to be the grandma in the lake-turned-to-acid scene
and the truck successfully driving through lava scene. Neither one of them made
a lick of fucking sense, but their corniness just makes the movie more
enjoyable. It's awesome!
DANTE'S PEAK is not the greatest disaster movie ever, but it's a lot of
fun to revisit every so often...even if the cute skinny dipper never got
naked. Boo!!!
A few post-review questions... 1) what's up with that scream when the dude falls
in the river? 2) what's up with that one guys hair?!
Monday, August 22, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
THE FINAL DESTINATION (2009)
If this film had been the first FINAL DESTINATION movie...there wouldn't be a franchise right now. Four completely forgettable dorks go to a race car track. One has a premonition about some poorly rendered CG race cars flying into the stands and exploding into cable channel quality CG flames. The dude freaks and runs out of the stands taking various people with him. They're all saved, blah, blah, blah. Death's design.
I'm sure the makers of this film meant well, but the movie looks fucking terrible. The special effects are so bad you can actually tell when something is about to happen before it happens. That's unacceptable. As entertainment, FD4 is passable (to laugh at), but that's really it. The kills are boring, the characters I wanted to murder myself, the special effects suck and there's absolutely nothing added to the FD story. Even the one brief topless scene was a yawner.
Only worth watching if you are really, really bored.
Part 1 - Final Destination (2000)
Part 2 - Final Destination 2 (2003)
Part 3 - Final Destination 3 (2006)
Part 5 - Final Destination 5 (2011)
I'm sure the makers of this film meant well, but the movie looks fucking terrible. The special effects are so bad you can actually tell when something is about to happen before it happens. That's unacceptable. As entertainment, FD4 is passable (to laugh at), but that's really it. The kills are boring, the characters I wanted to murder myself, the special effects suck and there's absolutely nothing added to the FD story. Even the one brief topless scene was a yawner.
Only worth watching if you are really, really bored.
Part 1 - Final Destination (2000)
Part 2 - Final Destination 2 (2003)
Part 3 - Final Destination 3 (2006)
Part 5 - Final Destination 5 (2011)
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